Christmas Eve... Definitely one like no other...

These were the pictures that were texted to me as I was waiting for Kaliyah and her birth mom to be discharged from the hospital:)  Such a sweet and great group of kids!

My sweet dear kiddos waiting for Kaliyah to come home...

Such a weird, strange, beautiful, wonderful thing adoption is... Wonderful and hard... for everyone...

As I sit here this Christmas morning with my husband 1800 miles away... My heart is full...

And FULL it is of so many feelings and emotions I honestly don't know how to handle, articulate, or navigate... especially on my own...

Praise God for His faithfulness to step in when I don't know what to say,do,or think...

Fill me with your grace, love, and kindness Lord each step of the way... that is my prayer...

So after sweet Kaliyah was born (birth story to come another day:)  on Wednesday night, the case worker, Greg, and I left to come back home and give our birth mom some time alone with the baby... not an easy thing to do ... When everything in me is yelling, "I just want her in my arms!!!" My heart is telling me, "Put yourself in her position... what would you want or need?"

So we walked out those doors praying for God to work in her heart... Not easy for this birthmom whose own mother is saying, "Just bring that baby home." And all our homeless birth mom can say in response is... "What home?"  It's true, she doesn't even have a home for herself or her 9 year old to go back to...  Really hard stuff... but real it is...

So when faced on Christmas Eve with where to all go when we discharged... We asked her, "Where do you want to go?"  And she said, back with you all...

Oh my the graciousness of our friends to open their home to the 10 of us for an undetermined amount of time, and then to say yes to two more... Let alone a hurting birth mom and her daughter... Let alone on Christmas Eve when their home is already full with their own 7 children... That is sacrificial love and a giving, kind heart.  

So I checked her out and off we went... me as the chauffeur... not EXACTLY what I expected... But each step of the way, I am praying for God's grace and plans to unfold as he desires not as I might... And ultimately this isn't just about this beautiful baby becoming a member of our family (while we greatly hope that is the outcome!!!) It is about ministering to this birth mom in her broken hurting life... right from our broken hurting lives... We either all have been or are hurting and broken just in different ways... Some just don't want to admit it... maybe they feel it makes them appear weak... I just think it makes you appear more real... 

Above...  two sweet sisters adoring that beautiful baby girl... ( I have so many more pictures to share, but feel like I should wait to see exactly how things unfold in the next 2 days... )

Isaiah earlier in the day... sharing just a touch of his excitement...

This photo doesn't at all do it justice, but early Christmas Eve morning our friend's neighbors and friends opened up their home and hearts to us as well for their Christmas Eve brunch tradition... Seriously, our friends here are blessed with beautiful amazing friends... Completely loving open arms... Wow, what hospitality... such an example to me!!! 

So here I sit in my room with 4 of my kids waking and ready for Christmas morning with that precious baby girl on the other end of the house... I think the reality of this whole process is sinking in and she wanted another night with her... (I completely get that... if the roles were reversed, I would want forever!!  I get it, but it doesn't make it any easier to walk out that door full of the wondering of what is going on in her heart and mind... )  As I got everything set for her for the night, diapers, wipes, bottles, blankets... our birth mom just looked up at me and said, "I am so thankful for you!"  All I could do was repeat the same exact words right back to her... 

I have to tell you that as I texted Greg late into the evening after his 4 services yesterday... I could feel the love from our church family back home as well... What a gift to my heart, something that I would NEVER take for granted for a second... I know that isn't always the case...  Greg said that our head pastor even stopped in the service to explain to the members the situation and they all prayed for our family!  What beautiful loving supportive hearts... A HUGE gift to my heart!  Thank you St. Peter church family!

We will spend Christmas day together as a family... With lots of people to love that little baby girl... Who doesn't need more people to love them?  

Please pray for all of our hearts... It is wonderful and not easy... for all of us... Pray for peace and comfort for our birth mom and her 9 year old (not sure the 9 year old is understanding this all)  Praying for God to lead her heart to make the best possible decision for this precious little girl.  Praying for our kids too as they already are totally in love with Kaliyah as are Greg and I... Wow, she is a little miracle we would love to see as our own...

In AZ, the birthmom has 72 hours till she has to sign... I am praying that this time for her will be just what she needs, I don't want her to have any regrets come Saturday evening... And I want her to fully know that we want them to be a part of ours and kaliyah's life too... this isn't goodbye forever... it is just till we can see each other again... 

Now it is off to Celebrate our Savior's birthday, breakfast casseroles, and presents for lots of kiddos!  

Merry Christmas to all!  Thank you for walking this journey with us... and for your amazing love and prayers...   

What a day... Mother's day... beautifully hard...

Today I rejoice that I was blessed with such a dear sweet mama to raise me and my siblings...  I am sure we put her through the ringer at times, but she has always been very gracious, loving, helpful, prayerful, faithful, kind, hard working, compassionate... I could go on and on...
(couldn't help but post a sweet picture of my mom and siblings... oh the funniness that abounds in that photo)

My heart also rejoices that we too have been blessed with a wonderful mother who raised my wonderful husband... I know that much blood sweat and tears went into raising him to be the man that he is today... That does not go unnoticed by me... He is a wonderful loving husband and father and I know that we owe much of that to my mother in law...:)

My heart rejoices in these 7 precious kiddos who call me mommy everyday... They are the amazing miracles on this earth that I get to pour into, that keep me humble, that consume my time and energy and that love me inspite of myself each and every day... What a HUGE gift they are to me...

(I couldn't help but post a picture of me and sweet baby Lou... the little man that first made me a mommy... 16 years has changed me a bit... wouldn't change any stretch mark or wrinkle... they were all worth it!)

To be perfectly honest,  I have struggled all day with putting into words how I feel today...   There is an aching in my heart as well as a deep rejoicing...  While it is a beautiful day to honor our moms and rejoice for many reasons... Mother's Day can be a sort of in your face kind of day to hurting women... 

My heart aches for the women that long to be a mom and for whatever reason struggle with fertility issues... (I have been there... wondering if it would ever happen for me as year after year I waited)... It is extremely difficult to desire something so much, watch it happen for so many others, and just be let down month after month... My heart hurts knowing how many women are in that place today...

My heart hurts  for the women whose mom's are no longer living and they just wish they had one more day with them... one more day to pamper them... one more day to sit and visit with them... one more day to glean wisdom, caring and compassion from them.... there is no one else like your mama...

My heart hurts for the moms that maybe no one recognizes as moms because they don't have any living children...Oh... such a difficult place to be... knowing that you have children... they just aren't this side of heaven with you...

My heart aches for all the moms that miss their children because they carried them for almost 10 long months, went through all the nausea, felt every kick, hic cup, and movement... and then UNSELFISHLY chose adoption for their children... (where would I be today with out these precious women in my life??? the biological mamas to some of my babies...)

My heart hurts for all of the moms who have a piece of their heart in Heaven with their children... It doesn't matter if that life lived inside of you for just a few short weeks or lived with you in your home for many years... The ache of the empty womb or the empty chair at the dinner table can be a void like no other... And truly it doesn't matter if that child died 10 years ago or 50... that ache remains in some way... (just last week after an announcement in church about the start of our MEND Chicagoland chapter, an older woman came up to me to offer help... she said that she doesn't talk about her loss often (a child lost at about 25 weeks)  but that she still cries about it... 51 years later... That missing remains... and truly that comforts my heart... My babies lives mattered... and they will still matter when I am old and gray... 

Mother's Day can just be a beautifully hard day...

I am so thankful for the gift of all of my children that made me a mom... 

My heart bursts with gratefulness for my sweeties here on earth  with me (the ones I have given birth to... the ones other moms have given birth to and we have adopted, and the one we adopted and I was blessed to give birth too... Still amazes me how miraculously the Lord has brought me all of my children:) 

And my heart longs for my precious children in heaven... My beautiful dark headed chunky 9 lb. 2 oz. Samuel... Baby Joel we had hoped to adopt but was stillborn at 28 weeks... and sweet baby Taylor (lost to an early miscarriage... the kids picked his/her name... I love that they wanted to name that baby...)

My heart rejoices for the work Christ has done to make a reunion in Heaven possible, one that I look forward to every single day.

Mother's Day... and all of the feelings it brings with it for me... My journey to being a mom to all of my kids has not always been easy... in fact it has been down right amazing.... wonderful... beautiful... exactly as I wanted it to be... despairing... debilitating... full of wondering... daily surrendering... full of turmoil and longing... heart breaking... exactly as I NEVER would have wanted it to be...

If I could change it, would I???  Oh that is a hard question... Selfishly, yes... but ultimately NO WAY!  

Do I wish and long for Samuel to be a 5 year old snuggled in his bed upstairs??? For sure... but ultimately, earth would be so sad for him in comparison to the glory of Heaven... I wouldn't ever want to take that away from him... 

The Lord has blessed me abundantly by the big picture of His plan for our family!  Blessings I never could have imagined or dreamt up... 

Blessings that I certainly would have missed out on if children had come to me exactly as I had wished... He knows best... I am so thankful he carries us through those HARD HARD TIMES TO THE BEAUTY that can be on the other side when we rest in and surrender to His plan for us... 

So as my heart aches for all of the women in the situations listed above... I pray for them... Praying for the Lord to comfort them and sustain them... If any of you have any hurts or friends that are hurting, I would love to pray over those needs... feel free to comment or email me at hintzmom27@yahoo.com with any requests... It would be an honor to pray for you... 

Much love to you this Mother's Day 2014

AND HIS NAME SHALL BE...

And his name shall be...

isaiah james hintz

Isaiah because his birth mom named him that and we just happen to love it!!!:) 

James because it is my uncles name, biblically they believe him to be the half brother of Jesus who stood boldly in the faith and has given us many great principles on how to brazenly live a Christian life of great faith in action!  I love it!   (I did the Beth Moore James study this past summer...AMAZING!)


So we are praying in earnest for the Lord's will to be done in Isaiah's life and that if it is God's will, that we could be the parents and family to walk alongside him and train him in the way he should go in this life!:)

God is so good!:)