HINTZ'S HAPPENINGS

UGANDA BOUND...

2012-01-27T07:05:00.000-08:00

As I write this, Greg and Louis are down at the health department getting their yellow fever and typhoid shots for their trip to Uganda in February.

We are all so excited for them to have this amazing opportunity. Any of you who read sweet Linny's blog www.aplacecalledsimplicity.com have read about the opportunities that they have had to minister to the orphans and street kids over there. Well, Louis and Greg will be heading over with Linny's husband DW. My sweet friend Abbi went last January and said that he has an amazing heart and totally restored her hope in Pastors. While financially this is quite a stretch for us, we know deep down that this is what God is calling the men in this house to do. And it couldn't be more perfect timing for each of them. We know God will provide... he always has, above and beyond our needs:)

While they are there they will be working in at least 3 different orphanages, one with at least 1000 kids... BREAK MY HEART! They will also be feeding the street children... again... BREAK MY HEART! Can you believe there are kids upon kids, little kids, even as young as 2-3 fending for themselves... homeless and with out food? They will also be helping to put on a Pastor's/leaders conference. They are anticipating 700-1000 leaders from 5 different African countries. They will be teaching on the Life of David and integrity and character. Their prayer before they go is .... Break my heart for what breaks your heart God!!!

My amazing hubby has such a heart for missions... One of the first words out of his mouth was... What if I don't want to come back??? I said, "We will deal with that bridge when we come to it if that is the case." I am thrilled that they have this amazing chance to minister to the people of Uganda. Of course, I would ask for you to pray with us for safe travel, their protection through out the trip, and for the Lord to work mightily in their hearts and He uses them mightily over there.

Dinner Divas:)

2012-01-24T22:12:00.000-08:00

Hey Friends, I am finally getting around to posting about my new little home business adventure...
I am so excited about this and I think it is right up my alley. I have always loved to bulk cook, and make once a month meals. It has been so nice on those days when I am finding I either don't have time, or don't really have the energy to cook something healthy, I will have something I can just pull out of the freezer, throw in the crock pot and have it do the cooking for me... I will repost what I put on facebook since it pretty much describes everything about it....

February Dinner Divas Class

No time to think about "What's for Dinner"? Let me worry about your weekly meals while you worry about taking care of your family!

Fill a Ziploc bag with the chosen ingredients. Place your meat (provided by you) in the bag and freeze. Dump the bag contents into your crock pot in the morning and dinner is served! Drastically reduce your drive thru time and enjoy tasty, healthy meals with your family at the dinner table.

Choose 10 Full meals+ $40/ Half meals$20
Full meals feeds 6-10/ Half meals feed 3-5

There will be a $5 charge for us to make your bags for you. Meals will need to be picked up within 3 days unless you have made other arrangements with me.

We will be assembling meals on MONDAY February 13th from 4:00pm to 7:00

Come and go! (This will take you 30-45 minutes to fill your bags)

Here is our February Menu:

Margarita Chicken (6-8 chicken breasts / 3-4 chicken breasts)
Cilantro Citrus Chicken (6-8 chicken breasts /3-4 chicken breasts)
Italian Chicken (6-8 chicken breasts/ 3-4 chicken breasts)
Burgundy Beef Tips (6-8 chicken breasts /4-5 chicken breasts
Seasoned Sirloin Steaks (6-8 petite sirloin steaks/ 3-4 petite sirloin steaks)
Easy Sunday Chicken (6-8 chicken breasts/ 3-4 chicken breasts)
Garlic Basil Drumsticks (12-16 drumsticks/6-8 drumsticks)
Taco Roast (2 lb roast of your choice/ 1 lb roast)
BBQ Pork Chops (6-8 pork chops/3-4 pork chops)
Awesome Southwest Chicken (6-8 chicken breasts/ 3-4 chicken breasts)

RSVP is a must so that I will have enough ingredients for you. If your family doesn't like one of the chosen entrees, you can make 2 of another, you just have to let me know that ahead of time. You can also substitute chicken for pork in the meals listed above. Send me an email at dinnerdivastulsa@yahoo.com to let me know if you are making full or half meals.

Prepayment is greatly appreciated:)
Sara Hintz

A FEW MORE PICTURES...

2012-01-19T22:38:00.000-08:00

My sis and her hubby... chops, as we like to call him:) Oh, he made us laugh... I guess you can grow chops like that when you are RVing it across the US:)

We were sort of wondering what our neighbors were starting to think with the RV parked in our

cul du sac. I guess in my mind, as long as it wasn't staying... it was ok... The kids had a ball playing in there... my kids kept wanting to sleep in there, but I think my sister's family was kind of thankful to have real beds for a week:)

Saying goodbye...

My nephew told my sister when they got in the RV... "This was the moment he had been dreading all week..." There are times like this that it kind of stinks living so far apart... We were blessed with such a nice visit together. They are the perfect guests... they don't mind the messes that lots of kids end up making and the noise that goes with it:)

Little Miss Hope after saying goodbye...

They have always thought it was funny how Greg raves about beef and cheese... He will take it over sweets any day... So one night they made dinner... a whole lot of beef and cheese for G... He DID NOT eat it all... we had lots of left overs... we did get a real kick out of it though and it was delicious... and honestly, a part of my heart thought it was so nice that they would go to that trouble to do that for Greg...

Here is their littlest... I had to post this one, because he has the cutest blue eyes and the sweetest, funniest eye brow over his right eye! My nick name for him is Hansel... He just looks like one to me...

So now we get back to the grind... we took the whole time off while they were here and it was a delight. The kids worked really hard today, I was proud of them, it is always hard to get back into the swing of things, even for the mama:)

I am heading a couple of hours away tomorrow to visit with a blog friend of mine who has a really cool home business project that I have been wanting her to teach me... I am really excited about it! They home school and have 8 kids... it should be fun... Then back for the boys ball game... Maybe I will finally catch some pictures of them playing... I can't wait to share what Louis and G will be doing in February... God has worked out an incredible opportunity for them...

WE ARE STILL HERE... JUST BUSY HAVING FUN...

2012-01-19T07:36:00.000-08:00

Our family and my sister's crew at the Blue Bell factory tour...

Izzie and Jo... they make me smile...

Sara Beth, Izzie, Anna and Jojo

I have to be honest, my heart is a little sad...

We just said good bye to my sister Beth, Theron and their 4 kiddos. They stayed with us for 6 days and it was an absolute delight. I really don't remember the last time we had that much time together to just hang out and let the kids play to their hearts content. It was such a treat... They are really easy to have around...

They are in the middle of an RV trip across the country... And we are so grateful that they included OK in their travels... but for now I miss them... I will post a few more pics from our time together... Lots of posts running around in my head... so much has happened... exciting news... but I have been too busy enjoying my sister in the last few days... Praying you are all well!

We are on board, Lord!

2012-01-09T10:02:00.000-08:00

(Christmas Eve 2011)

Levi is now right around the same age little Miss Hope was the day we found out about her and hours later loaded up the kids, bought a car seat, and headed out for the two hour drive to meet her and pick her up...

Here she is the day after she met our crew. I am not sure if I ever posted any pictures of her from those early days. I know I didn't post them at the time because I couldn't, but now I can't remember if after things all settled down and we knew she would really be ours if then I posted some??? Anyways, she had some cheeks on her:)

I will never forget how she took to Greg immediately, and wanted nothing to do with me...

I will never forget the kids, later that first night crying and asking, " Will she ever like mommy??" (I think they had watched my heart grieve for Samuel for over and year and just really wanted this new little girl to WANT to be by me:)

I will never forget the kids arguing over who could stand by me as we walked through Walmart with her the next day... They were so happy to have her here with us...

I will never forget wondering what on earth she was thinking coming to our home at almost 10 mos. old... I just wanted her to feel loved and not afraid... (I think she felt a little smothered in love:)

I will never forget about 10 mos. later, riding in the car and staring at her in the rear view mirror... her calling out my name, "Mama, Mama!!!" and having the distinct knowledge that she knew NO DIFFERENT than that I was her mom, Greg was her dad, and we were her family... and she was perfectly content in that alone.

We look at her and see and know her whole story, about her conception, her sweet birth mom giving her up for adoption, her first 9 1/2 mos of life, her coming to us, the months of waiting and uncertainty, and the rest of the story since then...

It is such a sweet blessing to be able to look back and see and feel the Lord's faithfulness... Adopting Hope has been such a sweet gift and wild ride for us. And I am so thankful for the Lord adopting us and calling us as His own... We are fully His... just like Hope is fully ours!

Wow, what a reminder that amidst life's uncertainties (aren't there always uncertainties in life, or am I the only one?? :)... The Lord sees the full picture, He sees all the details... the ups and downs... the twists and turns... He loves us and all that has and will come our way has been sifted through His hands...

Oh that we can just sit like Hope in the car seat of our life and let the Lord drive us and lead us. Oh, that we can just sit back and trust Him fully and enjoy the ride. Oh, that we can just sit, know, and say, " There is my Heavenly Father, He is in the driver's seat and I KNOW that He has it under control and has the BEST plans in store for us!" Oh, that we can just leave worry and concern on the side of the road and jump on board fully for where the Lord leads us...

This is my prayer today! We are on board Lord... You lead... we follow:)

This was our first Christmas with Hope... Anna was over the moon!

NEVER DULL AROUND HERE...

2012-01-03T23:43:00.000-08:00

This would be what Hope's high chair ended up looking like after a meal during Christmas Break... Thank God that she didn't get hurt... Yes, it did collapse while she was in it eating. Par for the course for Hope, she just giggled... She is one tough little mama:) It was beyond repair. Looks like we are in the market for some type of high chair or toddler type chair...

Hope and sweet baby gourd, as the older boys like to call him. I am not sure how the kids come up with the nick names that they do. Hope is totally at the stage where she gives us the cheesy grin:)

Man, when I look at this picture, I am in awe of how God brought both of these 2 little ones into our family. He is so good to bring us to the point where we can look outside of ourselves and our comfortable box of how we expect our life to go. I am so thankful that the Lord had worked on our hearts and was opening them to adoption years ago.

These 2 are becoming better buddies every day. Levi, just laughs at Hope's antics and she is pretty smitten with him:)

This spoke to my heart...

2012-01-01T22:30:00.000-08:00

If I am to be honest... I am a better mom to littles than bigs...

Maybe not better, but it certainly comes more naturally to me...

Tonight we held a family meeting and discussed all the things we want to do in the coming year... some very basic like ...

Have a family game night (Jo's idea)

When we are all home and the weather is nice to play a family sport outside. (Caleb's idea)

Lift weights (Lou and Greg's idea)

Go to bed earlier (My idea:)

Be kinder to each other (Anna's idea)

But then we tried to get more creative...

Have one new family over for dinner every month...

Random acts of kindness each month...

Be better about writing cards or letters to loved ones...

Eat out of the pantry and freezer this whole month ... (only buy fresh fruits/veggies and dairy:)

Wow, the new year has me wanting to start afresh in many ways. My personal list will hopefully help to focus me and keep me more accountable to the things I want to change or improve on.

Honestly, when I look at our 3+ years here... A lot of it is a total blur... After losing Samuel so much of our first year I was just trying to manage my grief and accomplish the basic tasks of schooling and caring for our kids. I look back and my oldest had just turned 11. Fourteen is a whole new ball game. We laugh and call him our man child... He is part child; still free spirited, sensitive, fun loving and funny! But then there are so many ways that he is completely a young man. And I have to admit there are many times I am scratching my head as to how to best handle new parenting situations.

I love being a parent... Besides my Savior and my Greg... my children are my highest priority and I love being a mom. But I would be lying if I said that there were not times that I was frustrated with my kids or my parenting.

This post totally spoke to my heart today. In 2012 I want to serve God better. I want to do a better job as a wife and mother... Will I fail? For- sure! We all will since no one is without fault. But this post was the perfect starting point for me in this new year.

I have never really struggled with raising my voice and yelling... but this year I want to actually speak gently. I want my kids to listen to what I say, and not be tempted to tune me out just because of my tone. I don't want to lecture my kids out of anger... Shoot I don't like being lectured to:)

Courtney writes in this blog post... "When we as moms go on a long rant about something the child has done wrong – we may feel better because we got our feelings out – but our child has not been brought any closer to wisdom and understanding."

I don't want to just get my feelings out... I want my words to point my children to their Savior. I want my words to draw them closer to my heart and the heart of God.

Please read the rest of the blog post... I think you will find it totally worthwhile...:) Here's to the fresh start of 2012:)

http://womenlivingwell.org/2012/01/introducing-the-gentleness-challenge/

Answered prayer...

2011-12-31T00:46:00.000-08:00

It is a great day for a wedding!

We are praising God for the answered prayers for another Christian mate for our embryo donor mom. (She was widowed over 3 1/2 years ago... hence the reason we were blessed with her embryos and as a result our Levi!)

Our hearts are overjoyed for her and her two kiddos!

I am thanking God for the gift that she is to our family.

I am thanking God for blessing her today with another companion to share this life on earth with...

I am thanking God that He saw fit to bless the both of us this year with such happiness, such amazing healing gifts in this precious baby and new husband...

He has brought much beauty from the ashes for both of us...

I praise Him for His faithfulness!

Lord, you have done some pretty amazing things in 2011... what a great way to end the year... the joining of these two lives... It makes my heart sing:)

CHRISTMAS VACATION

2011-12-31T00:37:00.000-08:00

ENJOYING THE LIGHTS AT RHEMA WITH GRANDMA HINTZ AND THE COUSINS

OUR FAVORITE PART OF THE LIGHTS... THE TUNNEL... THEY EVEN HAD MISTLETOE HANGING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TUNNEL THIS YEAR... I THINK WE EMBARRASSED THE KIDS:)

HOPIE WITH THE HOOTSPA AT SILVER DOLLAR CITY... She is such a ham...

IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY ... THE WEATHER IS UNREAL RIGHT NOW...

WHAT IS IT WITH THE GINORMOUS SUNGLASSES?? :)

We were so blessed to get the chance to go to Silver Dollar City yesterday for the first time. We had some sweet friends treat us to such a fun day. The weather was perfect. Anna, by far gets the bravery award... She loved the roller coasters more than any of our boys. One of the neatest things was the total emphasis on Christian values. They even had a nativity in the parade... no Santa... just Jesus! The lights around the whole park at night were so pretty.

We also just got done celebrating Christmas with my in laws and Greg's sister Lisa and her daughters. The kids had an absolute ball with their cousins. It was just for a few day so it went by really fast, but it was sure nice for them to be here with us. We rarely get that much time with Lisa, so that was a real treat, to actually have lots of time to visit. I was thankful to have her listening ear:) We really appreciate them taking the time to drive all the way up here from Houston...

We are enjoying our last few days of Christmas vacation... since it is back to the grind next Monday for us:) We have cherished the extra time with Greg and home:)

What a great day!

2011-12-25T22:35:00.000-08:00

CUDDLING WITH MY SNOWFLAKE BABY... BESIDES MY SAVIOR... ONE OF THE BEST GIFTS OF THIS PAST YEAR FOR SURE!!!

What a sweet Christmas Day the Lord blessed us with... I am so grateful...

The kids and I were up late Christmas Eve... after church last night we did IHOP with our small group friends... Lots of laughing and good fellowship:)

Then Greg went back to church for the late services and the kids and I went home for chocolate fondue, new snugglies (either jammies or slippers:) and a movie...

I of course fell asleep on the couch watching the movie and the kids, (Lou, Caleb, Anna and Jojo) watched all of "It's a Wonderful Life". In my tired state I thought that 132 minutes meant an hour an a half... so it went much later than I was expecting... I was just not thinking... Oops...

The movie had just finished when Greg walked in the door at 1:45 CRAZY!!! Surprisingly they all got out of bed quickly for church this morning.... I was proud of them...

After church we opened our family presents...The kids loved all of theirs and I was amazed at the thought that Greg put into the presents he got me this year... we never do a whole lot for each other, usually something small...

He got me the most beautiful snowflake necklace... (Sometimes babies that are born from frozen embryos are called snowflake babies:) Then he had bought a soft snowflake throw and snowflake cups from Levi to Anna and me... just precious... so thoughtful...

Then we had a few families over for a mountain dinner... it was sort of an experiment, but I think went pretty well... basically you have rice and everyone brings all sorts of toppings for the rice... anything from meat, to veggies, to nuts, to pineapple... it actually tasted really good and was a different way to celebrate Christmas that is for sure...

I was totally overcome by the Lord's goodness to our family today... I was so thankful to be able to celebrate with friends who are like family to us... what a gift... Especially when you live far away from all family...

And to be surrounded by my husband and kids was all I could ever want... (except of course another little 3 year old boy messing around with us all day... can't wait for Heaven to enjoy that ) It was a beautiful Christmas...

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2011-12-25T11:19:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Happy Birthday Jesus... We are so thankful for the gift of our Savior and for all the ways that He has blessed and taken care of us in 2011! He is able, so good and so faithful!

THE LITTLES

2011-12-21T21:29:00.000-08:00

These are 2 of the sweet pumpkins that I am sharing a slumber party with tonight... I have to admit little Miss Hope is staying in her own room... she is definitely not at the point where she would get any sleep out in the family room with the rest of us... or allow any of us to catch any shut eye:)

The older boys are away with Greg tonight... they left earlier today and will be gone till late tomorrow night. They are finally getting their chance to go through the family life resource the Passport to Purity. I am so happy that they have this time to get away together, the 3 of them. I know Greg had some fun things planned to mix in between the sessions that they will go through together... I can't wait to hear about it...

We had a hard MEND meeting last night... We welcomed 2 new gals who had lost their babies in the last few months. There are a lot of girls that are fresh in their grief and it literally breaks my heart remembering exactly how I felt that first Christmas after Samuel died. I am so glad that I found MEND and a safe place to land in my sorrow... God knew I would need it... and I am so thankful to still be able to be a part of it, to hopefully help others know that they are not alone in their sadness...

We have been off of school all week and it has been glorious... we really needed the break... I know we don't have any more than the average family has going on... but it has seemed really busy. We have enjoyed making hot cocoa, cookies, and friendship tea together. It has been so nice to be around the house more than normal... We are really looking forward to Christmas and celebrating our Saviors birth...

The little ones are finishing up a movie, and then will hit the hay in the family room...Levi is already out... Then I plan to try to get the Christmas cards done and get some presents wrapped... I will join the kiddos on the couch a little later... we will see how much sleep we all get tonight:)

CRAZY!!!

2011-12-14T22:44:00.000-08:00

Someone has taken to not going #2 a couple of times a day like he used to....

So when he finally does go every couple of days or so... this is the end result...

Hello???? Aren't diapers supposed to catch some of this???:) It was literally up to his shoulders...

Not too happy about having to get cleaned up:)

Now we are talking... that is more like my happy little guy:)

Are those cheeks yummy or what??

This is one of the faces that at the end of the day, (a day like today, when all I can say is OUCH, I could cry!!!:( )

that totally puts life into perspective...

If the God of the universe can breath life into a thawed embryo that has been frozen for 5 years...

If he cares so much about us to work out this beautiful miracle for us, that just knocks our socks off...

If he can perform the miracle of piecing back together the shattered pieces of my heart...

If he can bless this sub fertile (those were the Dr.'s words... not mine:) mother with 3 children in the last 3 years...

Then, He most certainly cares about the little details of our life as well...

Trusting in God to work out all the big details as well as the little details that bring hurt, challenges, and questions into our days...

He is so good... He is faithful... He is able!!!

LIFE...

2011-12-11T23:32:00.000-08:00

Louis finally braces free...:)

Anna and I getting ready for some exercise... Go Pack Go! :)

My sweet Jo...

Ahhhh.... sweet rest... a full day at home...

It started out by me getting up a whole hour earlier than I expected...

I set my alarm, but for some reason thought I needed to be at church an hour earlier...

Needless to say we were actually early for the first time ever!!

The crazy thing is, Levi had a total blow out so I just barely snuck in, right on time to Bible Study!

Funny, how that happens:)

We spent the rest of the afternoon playing outside and watching the Packers win again.

I have to say that I am so excited for Tim Tebow and the Broncos... I think it is awesome to see Him succeed... even in the midst of much criticism...

We ended the night by getting 7 stuffed sandwich loaves in the freezer for meals... We couldn't help eating one of the Reubens... We will see how they turn out after they are frozen, it was kind of an experiment.

CAN NOT WAIT....

THIS IS OUR LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL TILL CHRISTMAS VACATION FOR THIS FAMILY!

WHIRLWIND

2011-12-09T21:41:00.000-08:00

We got up early yesterday before the sun... very uncommon for this crew:)

We hit the road by 5:30 to head to St. Louis for the funeral of our sweet friend Mary's mama...

We are so thankful that she is finally not suffering anymore and that she is perfectly healthy and whole with her Savior Jesus... We know in the same breath that she will be so missed and we will continue to pray for all of her family that loves her so much for the Lord to comfort them and give them great peace!

We arrived in St. Louis just in time to eat lunch with them and attend the service...

Afterwards we were so blessed to hit Dunkin Donuts with our sweet friends... a few things stick out to me...

Those friends are such precious gifts from God, who can encourage you even in their own heartache...

It is so sweet to pick up right where we left off...

As usual we literally laughed till we cried... they are so precious to us!

And Dunkin Donuts has the BEST vanilla chai tea I think I have ever had... YUMMY!

Literally as we were saying goodbye I got a phone call on my cell from our upstairs neighbor at the sem...

We decided we would stop for Advent dinner at their church and to visit for a short while. It was such a treat to catch up quickly and then hit the road again... Their church was so hospitable to us, insisted on feeding us all and sent us on our way with warm full tummies for the next 5 hours home. I think we pulled in around 1:30 am.

It was a long day, but so totally worth it...

Busy days ahead too as we cook 6 dozen cookies for the boys to sell with the youth group at church, and participate in our small town parade for church tomorrow... It should be fun... coop is done for December and we plan to do one more full week of school and then a couple of weeks off to relax... I can't wait:)

Memorial box Monday...

2011-12-06T05:51:00.000-08:00

I am so glad that Linny is bring back her Memorial Box Monday blog hop... It is so good to be reminded of God's faithfulness... Now I really need to find a little box around our house to start to collect some small things to remind myself of the ways God has remained faithful in our lives...

This story isn't at all new to those of you who frequent my blog... but it will be a little recap for anyone new:)

I think the most obvious sign of God's faithfulness these days is our Levi... I think I need to look for a snowflake ornament to add to my box... he is our snowflake baby...

After 2 1/2 years of trying to get pregnant.... In February of 2008 the Lord blessed us with the pregnancy of our sweet Samuel... We were beyond overjoyed as we wondered if we would ever have anymore biological children . (The Lord was already stirring in our hearts a desire to adopt:) When he was born still at the end of October, we were devastated. As much as we never lost faith in our God, (Greg of course was rock steady the WHOLE time) I had some wrestling in store with God. It was sort of like I had to wrestle out the questions and how it all worked into my faith... I knew I still believed 100% in the saving power of my God... but I was hurting so badly and complete despair pretty much summed up where my heart was at... I was heartbroken over losing a life I had planned with Samuel here on earth. I am thankful for the healing power of our God that He brings in His time...

In November 2009, in an absolutely amazing miraculous way, the Lord saw fit to allow me to come across a sweet gal who had been widowed just 5 months before Samuel died. She had 2 young children that she and her husband had conceived through IVF... We found each other on the blog of a mutual friend. Here she was valuing the lives of the 7 frozen babies that she still had from their IVF treatments. She was wanting to find a loving Christian family for them. She wanted to give them a chance at life...

Never in a million years would I have ever thought that this was how the Lord would work... He allowed us to adopt those 7 sweet babies in June of 2010... I conceived our precious Levi in July of 2010 through the process of a Frozen Embryo Transfer, we finalized our adoption of Hope in August of 2010 and praise God, Levi was born safely in March of 2011...

The Lord has tied our families, ours and the donor mom's together in such a unique and precious way. We all value life that God creates from the moment it is conceived... He took Levi who was frozen for five years and breathed the breath of life right back into him. It amazes me to this day!!! That is a miracle!!! He has taken such hurt and pain in all of our lives and worked Levi's precious life into the whole equation to show us how much He loves us.

I just never imagined that the Lord would build our family in the way he has. When I see Levi... every single time... I am reminded of our good and gracious God who can even work through blogs to make miracles happen. Levi is a display of our great God's power, creativity, and splendor. The joy and happiness he adds to this family is like a healing salve to our hearts. He is pretty dog gone adorable too:)

life...

2011-12-03T07:35:00.000-08:00

This sweet little guy has so many precious expressions...

Is he yummy or what???

There are two of Levi's 5 teeth peeking out... he is busy working on number 6 as well...

This sweet precious boy and what we have experienced in the past 3+ years gives us a different perspective on life... and I am so thankful for it...

The challenges that I feel we are facing right now appear to be big and difficult to face at times...

And then I remember what the Lord has brought us through... Have my son die, having the baby we hoped to adopt die just 8 mos. later, fertility struggles, an a miscarriage all in a matter of 18 mos. has changed our perspective on things... I am so thankful for that part of the equation...Praise God for His strong arms to carry us through the tragedies and sorrow of this life...

And Praise God for giving us a new perspective... new eyes to see this life and our circumstances through...

We truly feel, we have one life to live, it may be over 5 years from now, 50 years from now, or tomorrow, only the Lord knows... but we do not want to waste the moments of these days holding onto the hurt that seems to come our way... we just want to love God and all of His people... and those who aren't yet His people. That is the most important thing to us in this life... and that includes ministering to our children. I know Greg sometimes can't believe that for his job, he gets to be in ministry...

I need to keep surrendering my plans, my will, my heart to His ways... I know His ways are always best... but that doesn't mean they come easy always... But there is sooooo much to be thankful for right now...

A few updates from our week...
Louis got his braces off this week... and man does his smile look good... I will try to post a picture sometime soon.

Louis and Caleb had their first basket ball games this week... The school at our church was short on players and they asked the boys to play on the school team. They are really enjoying it and catching on quickly since this is their first season to play... They won tonight in overtime, and it was a fun nail biter. I have never seen Louis be that aggressive before...G and I kind of looked at each other and laughed... he is just not that way at home ever... it was kind of good to see...:)

The Christmas tree if up and done... I had a sweet moment tonight with Levi in my arms just gazing at the lights... He was totally enamored by it... His expression priceless... He is such a gift to all of us... I don't think I can fully explain the immense joy he brings to our family!

Hopie has started with the tantrums... our first child to do that... She can be so amazingly sweet, and spicy at the same time... It makes for some pretty exciting days:) I am still tying to figure out if there is anything that adds to the likelihood of her having one... besides the fact that she gets mad when she doesn't get her way:) She is two... Three is just around the corner in a couple of months... yay!:)

We are so excited that Greg's parent's and hopefully his sister and daughters will be able to come our way over Christmas break for a few days...

We are so excited that Levi's donor mom is getting married at the end of this month. We are praising God that He has brought a great Godly man into her life... and love again...

God is so good!

SO THANKFUL...

2011-11-30T23:53:00.000-08:00

Tonight I have so much to be thankful for...

That the Lord's plans are better than mine own...

That the kids and I will hopefully have company on Christmas Eve... (my sweet young friend Katie is planning on joining us for IHOP, fondue and a movie at home, while G works)...

An incredible extended family who is so much fun to be around...

A sweet oldest son who greeted me with a homemade peppermint cappachino yesterday morning...

A loving husband who is so patient to continually support me...

That amidst so many divorces of people we know that the Lord is knitting G and I closer together... He is my companion... that we are in this for the LONG haul... and I couldn't be happier about it...

A faithful God who softens my heart towards others and shows me where I need refining while I pray...

A big white van that has more than enough space for us all...

A precious miracle baby boy in my arms who loves to snuggle...

The gift of all of my children who challenge me daily, make me rely on my Lord more and more with each passing day, yet melt my heart with their tenderness and willingness to help here at home...

A home that STILL feels huge compared to the small apartment we lived in for 2 years at the seminary...

Precious friends who will never forget about the boy I have waiting for me in Heaven and who aren't afraid to talk about him, or mention his name...

That God sees the BIGGER picture...

That God has plans for our family and that I can trust in His will for our family and rest assured that regardless of how I feel at times... He has it fully under control and I can fully trust Him...

That even amidst uncertainty we can be certain that the Lord has us in His hand and that all we experience has been filtered through his hands...

For the Bible Study I am doing on Sunday mornings... and for the fire that He is fanning into flame inside of me... I just love this study...

For the blog of an amazing friend that continually challenges us to put our faith into action... I am so excited to see what God may have in store for our family with little things He lays on our hearts...

GOD YOU ARE SO GOOD TO ME... I AM OVERCOME BY YOUR FAITHFULNESS... LORD I SURRENDER MY PLANS... I REST IN YOUR PLANS FOR OUR FAMILY... GIVE US PATIENCE LORD AS YOU WORK IN US AND AROUND US... USE US LORD HOWEVER AND WHEREVER YOU SEE FIT...

GEARING UP...

2011-11-27T22:14:00.000-08:00

Hannah giving Anna a ride on Cream Puff... Anna was so excited!

Most of the family heading out on a hike in the Kettle Morraine Forest

Trying to get some pictures of Levi... this is how the majority of them turned out...

fingers in the mouth...

Levi cut his 3rd and 4th teeth up north...

He is currently working on the 5th and 6th...

Such a big boy:)

What a joy filled little guy...

Our Hope Jubilee

We are home safe and sound. It is nice to be back in our own beds, but it was such a nice vacation. I am so thankful we had the chance to spend time with family and especially that Greg had time to really relax... what a blessing.

The tree is up, lights are on, but no ornaments yet. We spent all of yesterday unpacking and organizing... (We are fully unpacked.... I hate to admit it but most vacations it takes me weeks to fully unpack... this is such a good feeling) We deep cleaned the laundry room and hope to take a room at a time to deep clean and purge... Greg and I are feeling totally convicted that we have too much stuff that we don't need. We want to live more simply and this is a good place to start. Hopefully we can bless some other people with the things that we don't really use around here. Honestly, the clutter of stuff just completely clutters my mind...

The countdown to Christmas is on:) It will be a whirl wind I am sure between school, church services, coop, and sports. I know we will need to make a real effort to grab a hold of the sweet family moments that we can as we head into December. We watched Marley and Me tonight... Jojo bawled... afterwards he said, "I never want a dog." He was so heartbroken by how it ended...

They boys have their first basketball game this week... It should be interesting...

Thankful to be back safe and sound...

Enjoying time together:)

2011-11-22T23:44:00.000-08:00

Jojo and his cousin Grace

Levi with Grandpa Neumann

Our sweet friend Grandma Karen with some of the kids

Anna and jojo in their jammies after putting out deer corn :)

Jojo and Anna trying for some squirrel:)

I am laughing... as I type this I can hear my sweet hubby snoring into the baby monitor upstairs... funny, he claims he doesn't snore:)

The past few days have been busy with seeing more friends and family. We had a turkey dinner tonight with my 2 brother's familys, ours, Grandma and Grandpa, and 2 of our old neighbors when we lived here at the lake. After dinner we watched some old family videos that we had made for my dad's 50th and 60th birthdays... Oh my funny!

The boys came home and they all were shut out at deer camp... They usually try for the big ones...didn't see any of those...so on the last day, they decided they could take does, but then they didn't see any of those... Needless to say, my hubby has now been in the woods out back of my parents. He and jojo did some hunting this afternoon together. Jojo has been looking forward to it. It was so funny, Hope today was sitting on the stool this morning watching daddy from the kitchen. She could see him out there up in the tree in his blaze orange...

Speaking of little Hopie... she wrote her name the other day... I am wondering who taught her how to do that? Man, she is smart... it was totally legible, especially for a 2 year old... I almost fell over.

I can't believe that we will have to head home in 2 days... I am not ready to get back to real life...is that bad? This has been such a relaxing trip. Last time we were on vacation G had pneumonia and it wasn't a vacation for any of us... Part of vacation for me, is just having an extra set of hands available, besides just having time together. We are getting all of that this time and it is wonderful. Thank you Lord!!!

We plan to maybe get to head back to our old church tomorrow, go on a hike in the Kettle Morraine forest if it is warm enough, finish a little school for the boys, LAUNDRY, take the kids to visit the college where G and I met, and head over to my uncle's house for Thanksgiving... not to mention pack... It will be a busy next couple of days...

Ok... now I can hear Anna or Jojo talking in their sleep through the baby monitor... guess it is time to go join the crew...:)

There is so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving...God has been so gracious to us!

HOME...:)

2011-11-19T22:20:00.000-08:00

Most of the Hintz kids with the King kids:)

Tami and I and the babies... (This is Tami's 2nd set of twins:)

Hope, Levi and Jonathon... are they funny or what??

Rebecca and I...

My sweet college roommate Sam and my sister in law Katy...

This has been the nicest vacation... I literally could see Greg unwinding and relaxing immediately... it took no time at all. He and the boys left 2 days ago to go hunting with all the men... We sent them off with the command to bring home food for the winter:) We will see. I didn't hear anything from the hunters all day, although I know that they get terrible cell reception at the farm so who knows...

Yesterday and today were super busy. I got to spend some time with my sweet friend Tami from the seminary (she was my running partner my first year in St. Louis) and her 7 kids... oh my goodness, the kids got along great, and believe it or not Tami and I got a lot of catching up in:) The kids didn't really remember each other since we hadn't seen them in 4 years and they were almost all too little then. Levi was totally enamored with the other babies. He was totally taken by them... lots of staring done by Levi...:) It was such a sweet time to visit over a BIG glass of chai tea and homemade waffles. There are very few people that can relate to the experience of seminary living with a family... so it was such a treat to share time together. We are planning on meeting them for church tomorrow morning:)

From there we went to visit "Grandma Karen" my mom's dear friend. She just had a hip replacement done about 6 weeks ago. The kids couldn't stop raving about her yummy craisin butterscotch chip cookies.

Then today I was able to see my longest lifetime friend Rebecca. We were talking and came to the conclusion that we don't think we have known any friend longer. We grew up at the same church and I don't ever remember a time not knowing her:) While at lunch... I got a total bonus treat... my sweet friend Connie, from our old church walked in. (Connie, you are so sweet to always be so kind and forgive me for all my craziness and my lack of getting notes and emails out to you... It was SO SO nice to see you!!:)

Then later in the day my college roommate Samantha was able to stop by with her kids. Another wonderful visit. We headed over to my sister in law's who lived just across the yard for mochas:) Oh my, I am going to pack on a few during this trip... (seeing as how I just put down the spoon from my apple crisp at midnight... aiy yi yi:)

What is it about HOME?

The chill in the air, gray skies, leaves falling... it all just makes me feel at home. It is amazing how you can drive up and just feel that sense of peace and calm wash over you. I love Wisconsin... It is home... I could live anywhere and be happy and make the absolute most of it... but I am a northern girl at heart:) The kids and I were sad that we probably won't see snow up here... the boots were packed:) Oh well, really it has been such a blessing to have time with family and friends, to just relax and visit. And I am so happy that my hubby and the boys were able to have some time away together and with the other guys in the family... those are treasured memories too:)

So thankful tonight for the chance to come home and for family and friends!

2 Birthday bugs:)

2011-11-15T22:15:00.000-08:00

Oh to be with family... :)

The 2 little girlies above, Anna and her cousin Sophie, were born 12 days apart. They love to celebrate their birthdays together. So today was the day... It is so fun that their aunts and grandma and grandpa love to buy them matching outfits. They got beautiful Christmas dresses, and the sweaters they were wearing above. My sister in law treated them to get their nails painted together and we had a great party with the family tonight. What a fun, but beautifully relaxing night... I can literally see my hubby unwinding before my eyes! I love it! He was really needing this time. The last time he had vacation he literally spent every day but one flat on his back in bed sick with pneumonia... so this is so good for him.

The men will head out to the farm soon to go hunting... We are hoping that G comes back with lots to stock the freezer with this winter. I am doing some school with the kids and look forward to hopefully catching up with some friends. It is always a whirlwind though in many ways.... not enough time to see everyone. G and I hope to take the kids to the college where we met next week sometime.

The funeral on the way up was hard. My heart just breaks when I see someone whom I know will be missing their loved one soooooo deeply in the coming months. I can't help but realize the obvious that the holidays are right around the corner. I know there is great rejoicing that Matt is no longer suffering in this life, yet we are human, we will miss those we love. I appreciated the pastor that spoke to that point exactly. I was also so encouraged by the testimony to the humbleness of this man. We heard over and over again that he didn't want the funeral to be about him, but about his Savior and the saving power of Jesus. It was refreshing. The funeral was beautiful. The music was so special. It was just beautiful, but so sad and hard at the same time. Please continue to pray for them if you think of it.

I got to talk with another friend of mine from sem who has lost 2 children in recent years and it was so sweet just to visit with her. I loved how she said she feels like she is living with one foot here on earth and the other in Heaven. That is one of the sweetest things I find as a result of losing Samuel is that I long for Heaven in a different way then I ever did before; partially because he is there and that will be when I can see him again. Of course I long to see my savior face to face... but I also find myself longing for the day when the sorrows of this life and world will be no more... I am so thankful for this beautiful life the Lord has given me... but I long for my Heavenly home at the same time:)

It isn't a scary or bad thing, but a good thing:)

AHHHHH!!! Deep breath...

2011-11-11T22:23:00.000-08:00

FALL FESTIVAL AT CHURCH

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind...

Honestly, I am kind of a homebody and that has not been the case lately at all.

One of my least favorite things is leaving the house in disarray, which has totally been the case lately...

Between our new home school coop this year, which I love, and the boys playing basketball for the first time we are out and about a whole lot more than normal.

Yesterday I had my second lithotripsy done. I feel so much better today than I did last time the day after... but man, was I nauseous yesterday all day... ugh!!

I do not have a stent this time... praise God... that makes it a whole more comfortable also. I did a metabolic workup last week, so hopefully we can find out why I am making the kidney stones and maybe we will be able to have it better controlled. Glad these procedures are hopefully a thing of the past, at least for awhile.

We were blessed to get to go see Hope's birth mom today. We haven't seen her in over a year. It was a special visit. She herself was adopted out of the foster care system at 17... Just having had orphan Sunday last weekend at church... fatherless children have been on the forefront of our minds lately. Can you imagine not having parents; one of the most basic, most foundational things in our life and just not having it at all... for years upon years? It is mind boggling to me... Makes my heart hurt for those kids...

We are so thankful that her foster family chose to adopt her as their daughter just months before she would have aged out of the foster care system... She is really sweet... It is interesting now that Hope has more understanding. I know she doesn't fully get it at all... but we are trying to plant seeds of how uniquely and specially God brought her to us... We are so thankful that her birth mom chose to give her life... and that we get to experience it with her:)

We will be heading to funeral of a fellow seminary students of Greg's in a couple of days... He was 41... please pray for Matt's wife Janet and their 2 young girls... And it is this very thing that causes me to appreciate the little things about life... even though it has been so busy... we are living life, so thankful to have each other... so thankful for the Lord's faithfulness!

WHEN I'M WITH YOU...

2011-11-07T10:07:00.000-08:00

WHEN I SEE YOU...

AND YOU'RE SMILING...

MY HEART ACHES...

SO FULL, IT IS ABOUT TO BREAK...

YOU MAKE ME BELIEVE IN LOVE....

I COULD NEVER COUNT ALL THE WAYS

THAT YOU CHANGE ME, BABY

EVERY DAY THE SKY IS DEEPER SHADE OF BLUE...

WHEN I'M WITH YOU!!

I love these lyrics from a JJ Heller song, When I'm with you. That is exactly how I feel these days... that my heart is so full it is about to break...

So full of love for my husband...

So full of love for my sweet 7 kids...

So full of love from my Savior and for my Savior!

I am so thankful for a acheing full hear... not an aching breaking heart these days... Thank you Jesus for healing my heart more and more each day and for filling it with a longing for Heaven that is undeniable!

IN MY ARMS

2011-11-02T10:06:00.000-07:00

I had the realization during my night away with Levi, that this year remembering Samuel's birthday was different. This year I have a baby in my arms. I will say it again and again, that Levi could NEVER replace Samuel... they are both my precious sons... both so incredibly sweet and special in their own ways. (I mention that again because I know people have said it, implied it, and just in general have a misconception about that) I love them both so much... I wanted them both:)

One of the things about losing a baby is that you plan and anticipate having that baby as a part of your daily life for the 9 months that you carry them. Since I was planning on being home with Samuel... I planned that my daily routine would be primarily taking care of him. Newborns need almost 24/7 care. I knew my other kids would need me, but they were also more independent. I planned on schooling them, reading to them, playing with them, but thought that would all be done with a little one in my arms. So when Samuel died my arms literally ached, ached with a pain I never thought was possible... I felt like the main things I planned on doing in those months was gone... I missed nursing a baby, holding, cuddling, comforting, rocking... all of it... and it hurt so bad. On top of that I missed all that he would be to our family as our son and brother.

This year though with Levi here, my arms are finally full. I am busy caring for a baby, nursing a baby, loving on a baby, snuggling, comforting... all of those things I love to do and treasure doing. So a part of my heart still misses that I didn't get to do that all with Samuel, but I am doing it in the here and now with Levi, and I love it, and am so thankful to be doing it ALL.

So this year with Samuel's birthday I don't find my arms aching for that baby... I do find arms aching for the 3 year old that should be running up, barreling me over to hug me... And I miss HIM... who he would be at 3, all that he would be to our family now and in the 3 years past...

But I am so thankful that my arms don't ache like they did... They are full of a beautifully, uniquely, miraculously created gift from God... And I am soooo thankful...

Happy 3rd Birthday Sweet Samuel

2011-10-29T22:35:00.000-07:00

My dear Sweet Samuel,
How can 3 years have passed since I held you? At times it feels like 10 years and then there are so many times it feels like 10 months or even less. Samuel, having you in my life has changed me. At times it is still hard to fully accept that God's plan for your life was just a short 9 months in my womb. But I KNOW and I TRUST that His ways are best. There are moments when I think that you are by far the best off of all of our children... but in the next moment I selfishly wish I still had you here.

I miss you still so much. Every time I see a dark haired little 3 year old, I picture what you would have looked like or been like. Would you have been tender hearted like Louis, more of a go getter like Caleb, or a goofball like Jojo? It make me sad to think that I will never know any of that about you. To think that you are my child, one of my greatest loves and treasures yet there is so much I didn't get to know about you here on earth.

I have learned so much from having you as a part of our family. I appreciate so much more. I am so thankful that this life here is just a blip in time and eternity is FOREVER!!! I can not wait to see you again and scoop you up in my arms and love on you like I have imagined doing for the past 3 years... then again, who knows how old you will be in Heaven... I do secretly hope that you will be little, but then again, I know it won't even matter when I am there. I just know that I miss you... I love you so so so very much son... just like I love the rest of my kids. I would do it all again sweet boy to carry you for those 9 months... in a heartbeat, I would do it again.

Samuel, you are such a precious gift from our Savior. We think about you so much and we talk about you so often. Our whole family here can't wait till we are a WHOLE family again in Heaven...

Love you son!
Mom

HEADING OUT WITH THE LITTLE MAN

2011-10-27T10:54:00.000-07:00

I am so blessed to be heading away for a day with the little man. Never have I done this, just get away by myself or just with one of the kids. I was so blessed to have a friend get me hotel room with her hotel points. What a sweet sweet gift to me.

We have a very busy weekend with Caleb's confirmation this Sunday. It will be a special day for him and us... but it will be hard too... That morning the 30th I gave birth to my sweet still Samuel... I am hoping to have some time today and tomorrow to look through my bag of Samuel things and to do whatever the Lord sees fit for me to do as we come upon Samuel's 3rd birthday with Jesus. Honestly, it feels like about 10 months to me since I last held him.

I know that regardless of the busy weekend, I need to spend time reflecting on the precious gift that Samuel is to us. I need to still grieve that loss... it still hurts... a lot...

But I know too, that I will reflect on all that the Lord has brought us through; carried us through in the last 3 years and His bountiful faithfulness to us. Last night I was in the youth worship at church and we were singing...

And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise... from the inside out... oh my soul cries out Lord!!!

The youth leader and I talked afterwards... I was telling her... that is truly my heartfelt desire... from the inside out to be able to praise Him in ALL things... Praise Him for Samuel... Praise Him for his all too short life... Praise Him for all that He has done through the situation of my son dying inside of me...

I am so thankful that some days, I can honestly genuinely do that... and then there are other days... that it is just still hard to praise Him for allowing that incredibly deep painful experience in our lives... I can accept it from His hand... I can understand that His ways are best, but not necessarily be praising him and thanking Him for it...

The Lord continues to grow me... what a process.

Lord, use this time God for what you want to do in my heart... the continued healing you will bring. Thank you Father that my son is safe with you. Thank you for that sweet sweet gift of Samuel and the precious joys you have brought since. You are so faithful God! I cling to you with the Hope I have for the future you have planned for us!

Joplin... 5 months later

2011-10-24T22:05:00.000-07:00

The youth group literally pushing over the shed... The owners of this property survived by sitting in their bathroom. This shed was the only thing standing besides the bathroom that they were in.

Jojo worked so hard. He is sleeping good right now. The Joplin Hospital is in the background. We were told that it was moved 6 inches off of it's foundation during the tornado and will need to be destroyed.

The whole crew after demolishing the very last thing on this property... Some of the kids dug up a small tree from the property and took it to the owners at their new place. I heard they were so touched by this and came by the church to thank all the kids. We had already left for home, so we didn't get to meet them.

Yesterday we worked to remove nails and screws from salvageable wood. This wood is being used to build sheds for people who are living in FEMA housing right now. The wood is also being used by people who can't afford to go out and buy new wood for construction projects. This was Louis' 5th trip to Joplin to help.

We were blessed by our time in Joplin again. This is the first time that myself and the little ones were able to go. Tracy, our churches youth director, was so gracious to invite our whole family along. The youth kids were a great help with our little ones.

There is still SO MUCH work to do there. There are things that literally STILL seem untouched since the tornado, like the hospital, high school, and various businesses. But there is so much that has been done. It looks so much cleaner in general. The devastation is still incredible to me. The tornado was a mile wide and was on the ground for 13 miles. Crazy!

We stayed at the same host church that they have in the past. And let me say that these people are stinking incredible. Man do they go over the top in serving those workers who come to help in Joplin. It is inspiring. The young man who is in charge of all of the volunteers that come through their church, has a home that is totally in tact... but he has been sleeping on a cot in the fellowship hall for the last 5 months. He said he just couldn't see sleeping in his bed, when everyone else is giving up their beds to come help and serve his city. I don't know too many people that would do that... He is so humble. These are some amazing people with amazing servant hearts... The stories these people tell are absolutely gut wrenching... Please continue to pray for the people of Joplin, as the healing is going to take a long time...

Another kind of fun thing, was that Extreme Home Makeover is in Joplin right now building 7 homes in 7days. We were just about 5 blocks behind the street where they were doing the 7 houses. We got to go and check out what they were doing. It was strange to see 7 beautiful, but somewhat modest homes up in an area that was totally wiped out.

Because we were already working in the restricted area for the show we were able to walk right over and watch for a little bit. Louis said the guy right next to him went to church with 2 of the families that were having homes built for them by the show. He said one had lost 1 child the other 2. Louis said he was crying just telling him about them. They had big pictures of each family outside the home that was being built for them. Honestly, they are all smiling, but immediately all I could think of was the trauma that they have gone through...I can't imagine... It is so neat to see so many working to help Joplin... but the helping is still going to be needed for so long.

I was talking with some others about it, and there is just something about that city and all that they have gone through that sort of gets under your skin, and you can't help but want to go back...

October... Infant loss Awareness Month

2011-10-22T20:31:00.000-07:00

This is an article written in the Milwaukee Journal. They have really done a lot of articles this month focusing on the high infant mortality rate there. I had a sweet friend the other day cut out and send me one of the articles in the mail. I can relate to so much of what the author wrote...

Did you know that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month? I'll bet not. Despite the infant mortality crisis that's been at the forefront of Milwaukee's public health news for months, the only people who have more than a cursory comprehension of what it means to lose a baby are those who've lived it.
Infant loss is nature's cruelest practical joke. It's investing all of the required time and effort into pregnancy, only to be robbed of the result. It's cradling a body that grew within your own and trying to reconcile the cold, lifeless form in your arms with your memory of the baby who turned double flips in your womb.
It's worrying that you'll forget what your child looked like and snapping an album's worth of photos that no one will ever ask to see. It's sobbing so hard you can't breathe and wondering if it's possible to cry yourself to death.
Infant loss is handing off a Moses basket to the nurse who's drawn the unfortunate duty of delivering your pride and joy to the morgue and walking out of a hospital with empty arms.
It's boxing up brand new baby clothes and buying a 24-inch casket. It's sifting through sympathy cards, willing your foolish body to stop lactating, clutching your baby's blanket to your chest in hopes of soothing the piercing ache in your heart.
It's resisting the urge to smack the clueless individuals who compare your situation to the death of their dog or who tell you you'll have another baby, as if children are somehow replaceable.
Infant loss is explaining to your 7-year-old that sometimes babies die and being stumped into silence when she asks you why. It's watching other families live out your happy ending and fighting a fresh round of grief with every milestone you miss.
It's being shut out of play groups for perpetuity. It's skipping social events with expectant and newly minted mothers because, as a walking worst-case scenario, you don't want to put a damper on the party.
It's listening to other women gripe about motherhood and realizing that you no longer relate to their petty parental complaints because, frankly, when you've buried a baby, a sleepless night with a vomiting toddler sounds something like a gift.
Infant loss is pruning from your life the friends and relatives who ignore or minimize your loss. It's recognizing that, while they may not mean to be hurtful, the fact that they don't know any better doesn't make their utter lack of empathy one whit easier to bear.
My baby girl would have been 5 years old this month. I don't know what she'd look like, what her favorite food would be. I've never had the privilege of tucking her into bed, taking her to the zoo or kissing her boo-boos. I will never watch her graduate or walk down the aisle.
Infant loss is more than an empty cradle. It's a life sentence.

This was written in the Milwaukee Journal/Sentinal by Laura Schubert from New Berlin Wisconsin.

WHAT IS NEW...

2011-10-19T18:04:00.000-07:00

SWEET LEVI IS 7 MONTHS OLD...

SOME OF THE KIDS SNUGGLING IN MOM AND DAD'S BED:)

ANNA, HOPE AND JO PLAYING UNDER THE KNEELER...

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE DUST ON THE KNEELER SHELF... OH MY!

MY SISTER IN LAW PICKED THIS OLD CHURCH KNEELER UP SOMEWHERE YEARS AGO. I USED TO USE IT...BUT HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF THE HANG OF ACTUALLY PRAYING AT IT... I WANT TO PICK THAT UP AGAIN...

I came home from the doctors office stentless today... PRAISE GOD!! They said that the one kidney looked clear and that the stent could come out. Within an hour I passed 2 fairly large stones that I am assuming were stuck above the stent and were too big to come out with it in... I am sooooo glad to have that thing out. I do have some stones in the other kidney that he wasn't sure would be able to pass on their own with out getting stuck... so it looks like I will probably have the lithrotripsy done one more time in the next couple of weeks I am hoping. They won't need to put a stent back in so I am so happy about that. When I saw the stent, that was no lie about 10 inches long, I thought, it was no wonder I have been uncomfortable for the last 5 weeks.

I am so excited to be starting a women's study at church on Sunday mornings. It is one I did a few years back at our church in Wisconsin... Just getting into the homework for it has been amazing!!! It is called Wisdom for Mothers. It is sooooo good and God is so faithful to bring it back into my life at just the right time.

We had a balloon release tonight at our MEND meeting. Gosh, it was a precious time. I love those ladies so much and it was such a blessing to me. I think that I may share some different loss/grief types of things over the next week or so as we get ready for Samuel's birthday. My new friend Katie and I have some plans for a way to commemorate her baby. I will try to get her permission to post a picture maybe at some point. It is crazy, she is almost 1/2 my age, but I so enjoy the time that we can share together. We laughed that her mom would think that the 40 year old Pastor's wife that she is hanging out with is a bad influence:) Can you guess what she might be planning on doing?

The youth group from church is heading to Joplin again to help in the clean up... The youth director invited our whole family... so off we will go on Friday. I am not sure how long the little ones and I will stay... maybe a day or two. I am really looking forward to helping in some way, even if it is just cooking or sorting things at the church...

Although as of today... ( I wrote all of the above last night) the littles, myself and Caleb will have to be postponing Joplin for at least another day... Caleb has some sort of stomach bug... We are praying that none of the rest of us get it. I had to sort of laugh, within minutes of his first episode of throwing up....Louis was giving out our immune builder tincture, emergence drink and vitamins to the rest of us... Praying it works!

LOOK....

2011-10-13T11:44:00.000-07:00

LOOK....

WHOSE GARDEN IS BLOOMING...

JUST IN TIME TO CELEBRATE AND HONOR SAMUEL'S SWEET LIFE...

IN A COUPLE SHORT WEEKS...

GOD'S TIMING IS GOOD...

2 1/2 years of pure energy:)

2011-10-10T15:33:00.000-07:00

She can look so calm...

and endearing... but...

This is what she is really like...

99% of the time...

And we love her just the way she is:)

We have had Hope in our lives for almost 2 years... it seems crazy that she has been with us that long.

I still feel like we are getting to know her in many ways.

She has mastered the potty...YAY!

She has really seemed to be turning a corner in her behavior...

It seems to have clicked for her in so many ways.

Normally she is constantly getting into things... like chap stick, deodorant, nail polish, etc...

You name it... if you turned your back for literally 15 seconds she was into it...

And she is smart as a whip...

Seriously, her vocabulary is incredible...

And she knows when to say certain things that you would NEVER think she would understand...

God has grown us and challenged us in so many ways through this journey of adopting...

We are so thankful for the stretching of us that He has done...

And we are so thankful for Miss Hope Jubilee:)

OH MY PRECIOUSNESS....

2011-10-06T15:51:00.000-07:00

This little man is a heart melter...
His BIG eyes...
His sweet smile...
His chunky thighs...
His plump little toes...
His sweet crystal clear dribble...
His absolutely precious laughter...

God is so good and faithful to give us this sweet yummy miracle baby boy!

A WALK TO REMEMBER....

2011-10-02T22:26:00.000-07:00

A WALK TO REMEMBER OUR BABIES....

This weekend we took the whole family down to Dallas to participate in their Walk to Remember Ceremony. We had to go as a part in our training to take over our Tulsa chapter of MEND...

Needless to say, it was an emotional day...HARD!

The boys and I worked really hard with the Dallas team on all the preparations and Greg held down the fort at the hotel with the little ones.... he did amazingly well:)

It was such a special day... we had over 1,000 people attend the walk to honor the lives of their babies.

As we started the walk to go to where the ceremony would be held, Greg and I looked ahead of us and behind us at how many people were there remembering the lives of their babies. He right away said, "This will certainly show you that you are not a lone!" Sometimes you feel so alone in the loss of a baby or child and yesterday I didn't feel that way at all!

Everyone who attends gets to release a balloon for their baby... blue for boy, pink for girl, and white for a miscarriage... Once we started to release the balloons it was absolutely breathtaking...

They also give you an ornament for each loss and when the call the names of your babies you get to take your ornaments up and hang them on the MEND tree... special!

I am so thankful for MEND, an organization that works so hard to help validate the life of your baby, no matter how short....

ALMOST 3 YEARS....

2011-09-24T21:58:00.000-07:00

Grief is a funny thing....
Grief is a awful thing...
Grief is a beautiful thing...
Grief is a crazy thing....

I have thought about this post numerous times... can I really post about this? Can I really share my heart with openness and honesty... knowing that some will think that what I say is CRAZY??

Why do I share?
I share to literally have a way of remembering what I am thinking or feeling during these days... I know someday the memory may fade or the memories fail me... I want a way to remember...
I also share to help others. I know most people will experience themselves or have someone close to them who experiences the pain of loss... Maybe somehow my words could help others in their time of pain...

I have always wanted to be real about the grief that tears at your heart and life after you lose a child... I just want to be real about what it is like for me... I know every one's journey is different...

I remember in the early days of my grief being so thankful that the Lord had led me to some baby loss mama blogs about 8 mos. prior to losing Samuel... I know that was totally the Lord preparing me in a small way...

Grief can be a funny thing...
I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT I AM ON THE VERGE OF ENTERING OCTOBER AGAIN!!! As the weather cools a bit in the mornings... just my senses send me back to those early days... it is inevitable and sort of strange all at the same time...

Grief can be a beautiful thing....
My Jojo drew the above picture... I laughed when I first saw it and teased him saying, "Jojo, that must be you with the beard and Jesus next to you." Right away he told me with determination in his voice, "No Mom, that is Jesus with the beard and Samuel next to Him in Heaven!" So many mixed feelings... pride that this sweet boy remembers his little brother in the normal activities of life... sadness that having a brother die is even a part of this young boys life... JOY that He values his little brother and knows exactly where he is... Oh, my sweet Samuel and my sweet Jojo... brothers...

Grief can be a crazy thing...
A couple of weeks back when I had my procedure for my kidney stones done, I had a bit of a difficult time saying goodbye to the kids. There was a part of me that thought... what if I don't wake up, I have never been put under before... I couldn't help but pray, Lord bring me back to these sweet kiddos...

This is where the crazy and strange thing occurs... as much as I think about Samuel many times on any given day... I didn't remember consciously thinking of him that morning before my procedure...

When I woke up in the recovery area... the very first thing that came into my mind was the thought, "Oh no... I didn't get to see my Samuel again..." Please don't get me wrong... I know that may sound strange... honestly there was a part of me that immediately thought, Wow, Really? This is my first thought? I would have thought that my first thought would have been one of relief that I would be safely going home to Greg and the kids ... but as much as it is strange to admit, that wasn't my first thought....I first thought of him... my sweet Samuel in Heaven...

AND IT HURT... I immediately started crying... crying for him... crying for me... crying for missing him... crying for the shear fact that even when I am not necessarily consciously thinking of him, my self consciousness must be on Him... on Samuel...

That set me off for a day of just feeling down... of missing him all the more on top of the fact that I was feeling miserable...

Even almost 3 years later, I am still learning about this life long journey I am on here on earth... until that day when I can see my son again face to face...

There are sweet beautiful moments now when I think of him, when I feel a pang in my heart but yet it is mixed with a sweetness that has come from walking this path, a path that can't help but have me appreciate life and my loved ones differently.

I am not going to lie, then there are still the times that aren't at all sweet... but just down right painful... Those times when the strangest of things throws me back to October 29th all over again, the sights, the smells, the fears, the despair, the deep deep empty sorrow as I clutched my very full belly... full of baby... but not a living baby anymore...The absolute terror as I thought of actually having to labor and deliver my son who would be limp and lifeless... And then the absolute sorrow of doing just that...There are still those moments where I can't believe this is my life... Where I still wish things were different... Where I just miss him with a heartache that throws the lump in my throat, and the tears falling from my eyes now even as I write this...

I am so thankful for the shear strength and power of God to get me through those early days and the hard days now...

I am so thankful for His graciousness to literally CARRY me through...

And I am so incredibly thankful for the gift of life... for His Sovereign plan for our family. As much as I NEVER in a million years would have written this all out the same way... I trust that His way is best... as much as it still hurts at times... I trust that He knows best... He knows exactly what He is doing and allowing to enter into our lives...

I have been able to surrender to His will... and I am thankful for that... because let me tell you... I fought it long and hard in those early months... it was an extremely difficult struggle, all my own... a struggle I think I needed to go through... and it feels good to be on the other side of that...

But I still do have daily surrender it all to him... to continually lay it at His feet... because even now I struggle with the many layers of this grief onion so to speak... lay it down Sara, lay it down... I have to keep telling myself... I am so thankful that He can carry this burden for me... the burden of living with out my son...

He is good...
He is faithful... to carry me through this funny, awful, beautiful, crazy journey...

505th post...

2011-09-19T16:10:00.000-07:00

This is pretty much what the family looked like when I started blogging...sigh... time passes too quickly for me...

Picture taken out behind St. Paul's right before we left for the seminary... Oh it was hard to leave... but God was so faithful and knocked our socks off with sweet friends at the seminary:)

Our family of 7... oh how we miss that little boy each and every day!!

The day after we picked up our Hope... Look at those cheeks:)

Our family now... notice Hopie's little Samuel lamb:)

We are so blessed!

Wow, the days seem to be flying by right now... I think that they might even be moving more quickly if I didn't have this constant ache in my side from the stint that will be sitting inside of me for at least the next month... it could be soooooo much worse...:)

I sort of thought that maybe for my 500th post I would post 50 things that people may not know about me... then time got away from me and here we are on the 505th post... and really I am not sure I could come up with 50 or if anyone would even want to know 50:) Oh well....

I have always thought it would be fun to have a diary, but NEVER got around to writing one. I do love writing and with all that has happened in our lives over the last 5 years... blogging has been the perfect thing for me to help me get things off my chest, process all that has gone on, and most of all to be able to reflect on God's faithful hand in our lives through it all:)

And besides that, (I know this will sound strange to any of you out there who don't blog) I have made some really special friends from my blog...

I even found our donor mom for Levi from a blog... I am so thankful for this crazy tool and how God can use even blog world to accomplish amazing things for His glory...

6 MONTHS...

2011-09-17T22:36:00.000-07:00

THIS SWEET BUNDLE OF LOVE...

WHO MAKES OUR HEARTS SWELL WITH JOY...

WHO MAKES US ALL WANT TO LAUGH AND GIGGLE WITH HIM....

IS 6 MONTHS OLD!!!

Oh my goodness, this little man just makes my heart melt.

There are so many moments where I feel like I am just bursting inside with thankfulness for the opportunity to be his mom.

There was a part of me that thought that I would never be the mother of a baby again.

I am so thankful to God for giving me this sweet precious little one to love.

He is a miracle, our miracle... and we feel so blessed!

Levi Ryan is such an easy going guy. He just goes with the flow...

His first 2 teeth just broke through this week and he barely fussed.

He is rolling all over the place.

In the morning the older kids all sort of fight to see who can get him out of bed... he is just so dog gone cute... greets you with a smile every time. Usually, we all end up going in to get him:)

We are loving life with this sweet little man... so thankful for the 6 months of life we have shared with him...God is so good and gracious!

AT HOME:)

2011-09-15T18:27:00.000-07:00

Can I just say... I love my bed:)

And can I also say that a 6 inch stint is not really "little" OH MY GOODNESS!:)

I busted up laughing at the fact that it will stay in there for at least a month and that they can take it out in an office visit.... ARE YOU KIDDING ME???:) They weren't :(

I am at home recovering...

All in all, I feel pretty good...

I was more nauseous than I expected... and this is going to be TMI but...
going to the bathroom is way more painful than I thought it would be and hurts far more than any kidney stone that this northern girl has ever passed ... still waiting to pass the fragments they blasted the stones into today... hmmmm I wonder how long that will take:)

I had a surprising thought (to me) enter my mind the first thing after I woke up in recovery... we will see if I share about it in the near future or not... not sure...

They weren't sure if they got it all, they will be able to tell when they do a scan a month from now... so we will see if we have to back for round 2 or 3...

Greg and I laughed at all the funny things the guy next to me in recovery was saying... needless to say, I think he had just had a vasectomy done...:) Funny... is that bad? We totally weren't eavesdropping, you couldn't help but hear it:)

Ok, going to lay back on the couch and snuggle with my littlest boy... and probably the rest of the kiddos too... Thanks for the prayers friends!

SWEET TIMES

2011-09-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

Today I had the most precious moment. I was on my back porch TOTALLY enjoying the cooler weather. Hope and Jojo were out running the yard in just a t-shirt and undies. Anna and Caleb were doing school with me. Louis was inside working on Math... and sweet Little living breathing Levi was sound asleep in my arms. It was absolutely perfect. After hurting so badly, it is so precious to have such joy in my heart!!! God is so good!

Tomorrow morning we go in early to the hospital for my procedure to be done with my kidney stones. Honestly, I am a little nervous. I have never really been put out before. I know God is in control and His will be done. I will try to update and let you know how it all goes.... I really appreciate our prayers that all goes well tomorrow.

The weather is finally cooler.. Thank you Lord. It is such a relief to me to be able to sit out back and do school and just feel a cool breeze versus the 105 degree breeze we were feeling not too long ago... Thank you God for the seasons:)

FRESH GRIEF...:(

2011-09-10T22:56:00.000-07:00

This morning I got a call from the sweet young lady right here in my town whose precious daughter was born without a heartbeat just 3 weeks ago. When we got together a couple of weeks ago, I told her, "You call me anytime, day or night, I mean it!"

And she did just that, and I am so thankful for it... When I picked up the phone, I could hear her few words, between her tears, " I miss my baby, I want my baby."

Oh my heart breaks for this young 21 year old girl. I remember those days so unbelievably clearly. I remember the utter despair and torment that overtook me many times.... really most of the time. I remember feeling like NO ONE understood what I was REALLY feeling... or thinking (which was even worse at times)...

So this morning I jumped in the car and met her for coffee in our little town... although we couldn't find a coffee shop open. We just sat in her car and talked. It is crazy, she is almost 1/2 my age...yet I feel a closeness to her, just because we share the same heartache. I can't imagine going through losing Samuel at that age... It makes me so sad for her, the blissfulness of pregnancy that is gone for her now. It makes me so sad that she doesn't have the distraction of other kids at home.

We talked a lot about the guilt you feel as a mom that you couldn't protect your baby. We talked a lot about how much differently a daddy feels when they lose their child... We just talked... I ache for her, knowing how much different she will be as a person as a result of losing her daughter.

I can tell she is a super special girl... I find myself just loving what a sweet girl she is and wanting to take her pain away... it is so hard... I know that there is no way I can... no one can. Only the Lord can soften the edges of her breaking heart so help to heal her in time. I am so glad that He brought her into my life...

Please be praying for Katie if you think of it... the road ahead is a long difficult one that is for sure... But God is faithful... I know He will carry her though it... He already had carried her through the first 3 weeks...

3 weeks closer to Heaven Katie, 3 weeks closer...

Look who is growing up:)

2011-09-09T23:14:00.000-07:00

THIS LITTLE SASSAFRASS I BELIEVE HAS GOTTEN CLOSE TO MASTERING THE USE OF THE BIG GIRL POTTY... WOOHOO GO HOPIE!:)

WE ARE SO BLESSED TO HAVE HER IN THE FAMILY...

SHE IS SO AFFECTIONATE... SHE ALWAYS HAS A HUG FOR YOU AND SO OFTEN, OUT OF THE BLUE, TELLS US THAT SHE LOVES US.

SHE REALLY IS GROWING UP...

SHE TALKS LIKE CRAZY...BIG WORDS... BIG SENTENCES FOR A 2 YEAR OLD.

SHE HAS GOTTEN SO MUCH TALLER.

WE LOVE YOU HOPE JUBILEE... SO PROUD TO CALL YOU OUR OWN...

FAMILY CAMP

2011-09-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

LEVI CHILLING AT FAMILY CAMP...HE IS SO YUMMY!

JOJO AND ELLIE STAYING WARM IN THE MORNING AFTER THE COOL FRONT CAME IN... PRAISE GOD FOR COOLER TEMPS FINALLY!:)

FIRST WORD... QUIET TIME TO START THE DAY ON THE RIVER...

We are all exhausted after our first Family Camp experience at camp Lutherhoma. We had sooooo much fun. We were there with 3 other families from church, the Armors, Fausts, and Dinkelmans, and a whole bunch of other people that we didn't know before, and were totally blessed by our time together. Greg had to leave to get back to church to preach, but I was so blessed by the other families ALWAYS pitching in to help me with the kids while he was gone. We were so happy to have him return:)

It was an immense treat to have our food cooked for us, dishes done, etc... That was one of the best parts for me. It was so nice to have that little break. The camp staff was amazing. The were such servants and had the best attitudes ever. Anna and Jojo literally had tears over leaving and having to come home. All of the kids are already talking about going back next year.

The camp activities were a ball, but totally wore us out:) Jojo was especially impressive on his funniest jump in the pool during the family pool Olympics and Caleb, Anna, and Louis did great at the minute to win it games. We had some good laughs... it was just tremendously nice to get away and be together even if it was just for a couple of days.

Thanking God for good friends and great family time together. Back to the grind tomorrow. Actually we are starting our very first day of home school coop... It should be exciting!

THE VERDICT IS IN ON THE KIDNEY STONES... YIKES!

2011-09-01T19:35:00.000-07:00

So I finally got into a doctor about my kidney stones. I had an ultrasound done 5 years ago that showed that I had multiple stones in each kidney. With moving to seminary and then Samuel and the usual craziness of life, I never had things rechecked.

While I was pregnant with Levi I probably passed at least 8 kidney stones. So I figured there is no better time than the present to look back into things.

Well, the cat scan I had last week showed that I have 3-4 large kidney stones, probably around the size of Greg's pinky fingernail in one kidney and probably some small ones in the other kidney... The big ones are obviously too big to pass.

So the plan is for me to have lithotripsy done in a couple of weeks. They will have to put me under, but it will be done out patient. The plan is to blast those little babies and then put a stent in to hopefully allow the fragments to pass more easily. The doctor said that he foresees having to do it a few times before they are all blasted... ugh! I am a little nervous...

I will have to pump and dump because of the meds I will have. Levi, is not a good bottle taker. In fact Greg is working on one right at this moment. He thought that I would have to give him a bottle for a couple of days. I know this might sound silly to some, but I LOVE nursing and am praying that this won't cause any permanent disruption to our nursing. It is my favorite cuddle time with him:) I know God has it under control that is for sure... I am also praying that I don't have any complications with the procedure and passing the fragments afterwards...

So hopefully we will get rid of these things once and for all:) And then figure out why I form them and hopefully put an end or slow that process down too... I will keep you all posted:)

Thought I would leave you with a pic of my sweetest little guy:) I could cuddle up to him and soak up his sweet smell and soft skin all day long...

I am still so in awe of God's miraculous gift to us in the life of this sweet little guy!

WHAT A WEEK!

2011-08-31T23:05:00.000-07:00

First day of 2011-2012 school year:) Already I think Hope may have gotten a good grip on using the big girl potty:) Yay Hopie!!

This may seem crazy, but I couldn't help posting. I was fixing lunch one day last week and Jojo was holding Levi on the couch. Levi started crying... It didn't take long and Jojo started crying. He told me that it just made him so sad that Levi was sad... I scooped up Levi real quick and everyone was doing much better instantly:) Oh my, it was precious... Jojo loves Levi so much!

Sweet 5 1/2 month old Levi and Anna:)

It has been quite the week. I got a call last Friday from a gal at our church. One of her daughter's best friends was 39 weeks pregnant and just had found out that she was going to be delivering her baby that day... but that her baby had died. I was on my way to Wichita to see the Boggs family when I got the call.

I was so blessed to be able to visit on the phone with this sweet young gal the night before her daughters funeral service. The first tearful words out of her mouth to me on the phone were. " How do you do this Sara... I don't think I can do this." My heart was splitting in a million pieces for her in that instant. I remember those moments like I was feeling them last week... wondering how on earth you are going to survive the next hour because the pain and suffocating feeling is so intense.

Anna, Greg, and I went to the service and it was beautiful.... but gut wrenchingly difficult all the same. This was the 2nd baby funeral in 4 days for us. I am not going to lie... it is hard for me... very fresh memories... But the hardest part is just watching the moms and knowing exactly what they are probably thinking and feeling. My heart just breaks for them. All that being said, I would never in a million years pass up the chance to be there for a newly grieving mom. It is moments like that where I can see a nugget of goodness coming from Samuel's life.

The crazy thing is this young gal literally lives about 5 minutes from me. I went over to her house a few nights ago and we just talked and talked. I was able to see the pictures of her daughter and try to encourage her. She is such a sweet young lady. Hopefully the Lord will allow me more opportunities to be there for her in the coming days and months. I have to admit that all of this has had me missing my sweet Samuel all the more. If you think of it, please be praying for these 2 mamas...

We have had such a busy week with starting school. Actually the school week went great. I always think that it takes a good month to get into the swing of things as far as school goes. Levi is totally easy going and loves to hang out with all of us.

Hope is a different story...she is 2 and busy as all get out:) Honestly she has done so much better than I was expecting. She has been enjoying blanket time playing with her big beads, looking at books and especially playing with her Fisher Price little Loving family dolls and accessories. As long as she is kept busy, she does so much better.

This is the first year we are doing a home school coop. I am really looking forward to it. I think it will be great for the older kids to be responsible to another adult and they are all really excited about it. The kids spent a couple days at the coop last year when I was in the hospital on bed rest and loved it. We start with the coop next week, it should be interesting.

A QUICK TRIP...

2011-08-27T22:03:00.000-07:00

BECKY AND I AND THE 2 YOUNGEST GIFTS FROM GOD...

THE WHOLE CREW... MINUS CALEB... if you look close you can see the kids Anna on down holding hands... sweet!!

SWEET ASHER

CHAD, BECKY AND HOPE
(I have no idea why this picture posted this way... hmmmm.)

Last Friday we had a really quick 3 hour drive up to Kansas to visit with our sweet friends the Boggs crew. Greg and Caleb stayed home... Greg still wasn't feeling well from his pneumonia... (He still isn't 100%)

They drove down about 3 1/2 hours and we met up at a mall. We were really trying to find someplace fun to meet... but given that it was supposed to be around 100 degrees we opted for the indoor play area at a mall. Honestly, the kids did extremely well for having to hang out there for over 5 hours.

These are such treasured friends to me... our 2 years at the seminary together flew by... Becky was an absolute God send to me after Samuel died as well. She still tells me how Samuel short life has changed her thoughts or views on things... I love that she mentions him:) What an amazing friend she is...

They are 2 of Hope's godparents and were definitely used by God to open our hearts even more so to the blessing of adoption. I am sure that little Hope is a part of our family due to the influence of their family on ours. While we were at the sem. they asked us to be godparents to their, at the time, newly adopted Asher... It is funny because our kids have always said that they wanted one like Asher in our family... now we have the female version in our Hope:)

It was a super sweet time to get to sit and visit with Becky, and Chad too, while the kids played. Such a treat to have 5 hours to chat chat chat... Man, I miss those days where I could just run across the street to her place or see her and all the kids right outside our my back door at the sem playground...

Those seminary days were precious!

OFFICIALLY 1 YEAR A HINTZ

2011-08-23T10:28:00.000-07:00

Oh the sweet joys this little wild woman has brought into our lives...

1 year ago today, after many many months of not knowing if she would stay with our family, she officially became our forever daughter... Little Miss Hope Jubilee...

God was so faithful to carry us through those months of unknown...

She is full of the spunk, a whole lot of fiestiness, intelligence and love... goodness is she smart:)
She is learning to use the big girl potty...
She challenges me more than any of our kids at this age...
She is cute and knows how to turn on the drama and charm...
She is super affectionate and friendly...
She is a total dare devil...

She is God's gift to us and a clear display of His love for us... Just as we adopted sweet little Hope into our family, He adopts us into His family by the blood of His son Jesus....

We are so thankful for the the gift of HOPE!

And by the way... Happy birthday to my mama... It is so sweet that this special day for Hope and our family is shared with your birthday... Yay God for the extra sweetness:)!!

A BOY AND HIS TOAD:)

2011-08-21T20:58:00.000-07:00

I have never seen a more ginormous toad....

So close to my boys face...

Making him squeal in absolute delight...

Making his eyes smile...

And making this mama's heart melt like a puddle of love:)

God is so good to give us these sweet moments:)

REALITY...

2011-08-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

Wow, I have thought about posting the last few days and have struggled with how to put out what is really in my heart.

My heart has been heavy... a family from church has a daughter that just delivered a baby girl yesterday... she was 23 weeks along. They had just gotten a fatal diagnosis for their daughter 2 weeks ago. I have cried many tears for them... knowing how much different their lives will be from here on out; knowing how much sadness they will be experiencing; knowing the torment and despair that can be consuming at times when you lose your child. Please pray for the Lord's peace to cover them during this time.

I have cried more tears in the last week than I have in the last few months. Honestly, there is a part of me that is struggling.

I had a couple of comments that were said to me while on vacation that hurt this mama's heart. It was clear that in the moment that the comments were said that this person literally had forgotten about Samuel...clearly forgotten him... this wasn't a person that I would ever think could forget about His life... but they did... in the moment they did:( And OUCH!!! it hurt!

Then there is the comparing of grief or loss... that somehow it would have been harder to lose a child that lived for a couple of hours versus not living beyond the womb....

The ironic thing was that I had just the day before had a conversation with my sister and mom about how I was doing in regard to Samuel... I was telling them how when I look at Levi I am just amazed by the little things, watching his chest rise and fall, seeing him blink, wiggle, or flinch...I never got to see even the slightest movement from Samuel... I wish I had been able to... even if for just a couple of hours...

I struggle with knowing that this person would NEVER intend to hurt me... I know that...I love this person so much and I know that they love me just as much:) But it still hurt... It still hurt to have the loss of my son minimized and to have it literally forgotten in that moment...

I get that for others it will never be the loss that it is to me... I understand that fully and don't hold that part against them at all...

I do not want people to feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me...I have heard that before...I know people will make mistakes in what they say to me...it is inevitable and truly I still want people to talk to me about him :) (I guess the difference is when the person who said something not so good realizes how they said it or what they said versus not thinking a thing of it.... does that make sense??) It is one of those sticky situations to have to process and have to maybe respond to.

The reality is that it still hurts to walk this life here on earth without one of my kids with me... I still miss him... I still want his short life to matter to others besides me...I don't think that any of that will ever fully change...

This week I also had some very strong feelings confirmed in my heart... I knew I had been talked about badly by people... I just felt it for a long time...

(I had to come back and rewrite this part of this post...)

If you have followed my blog for any length of time you know how hard church was for me that first year, even to the point of the kids and I attending else where for a couple of months. You know how alone I was in my grief while there...

Basically, it has come to my attention that people were talking about me, my blog (it being wrong for me to share the inner most hurting parts of my heart in a public forum... that should have been kept private in their opinion) that it was taking me too long to grieve the life of my son. I know it was said in a public place to many people. (The sort of funny thing is that I am sure it has happened soooo many more times than I am aware of...:)

I am soooooo incredibly thankful that the Lord has brought more healing to my heart with time.... I can totally deal with hearing it... it won't put me in a bad place emotionally like it would have in that first year. But it still is sort of like salt in the wound, a bit of a knife in the chest...it still hurts.

It is still hard to accept that in my pain others felt fine to judge me, point fingers, and not at all try to help or be there for me.... It is a little hard to accept that there are people that are that mean...OUCH!

So here I am almost 3 years later pondering how to process these difficult things. Any other mommas out there who have lost children want to share how they let things like this just roll off their back?

I know I need to just pray for them.... pray that somehow the Lord would prick their heart and grow them when and how He wants to... it isn't my job...

I think it has been just the combination of all of these situations and circumstances that has allowed that ache in my chest to return... And I can't help but think of the fact that in just 2 months it will be 3 years with out him... I get a lump in my throat just thinking that it has been that long since I held him in my arms, smelled his wet hair...

But in the same instant, I have to just remind myself that I am 3 years closer to eternity where there will be no more goodbyes...

All of this growing, stretching, aching, longing, hurting... all because of one precious little baby boy the Lord graciously allowed me to carry for 40 weeks and 1 day... I would not trade one second of Samuel's sweet short life...

I miss him...

VACATION MEMORIES

2011-08-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

The kids enjoying the beauty of Fence Lake and the Northwoods:)

A photo of all the cousins that were present at the land for a few days together... The older kids watched all the little kids... they were brave and did a great job while the adults all went out to eat:)

Sibling dinner, all of us except for Greg who was home in bed with Pneumonia... poor guy, that was such a bummer... more on that in a bit... Oh my, it was a night to remember, lots of laughter cruising around all together in my big white van... GOOD TIMES...

I am so thankful for the healing that the Lord has done in my heart to allow me to feel like I can finally FULLY participate in fun times with my siblings again. There have been 3 other baby boys added to our family, 4 including Levi, in the last 3 years since Samuel died and at times that was more than difficult for me. God has been so faithful to restore joy to my heart even amidst the sadness of still missing Samuel. My family is such a gift from God... such neat people, grief has a way of making even the best relationships hard at times... Bummer, but it is the hard truth...

I gave them all, including my parents the book, Tear Soup... it is in my opinion one of the best books on healing after a loss. I am hoping that it will continue to help my family and others understand where I am at even now almost 3 years after Samuel died.

This trip was one of such sweet times with my family and I am so thankful...

The kids outside of Paul Bunyans... why are trips home to Wisconsin all about the food at times?? :)

Jojo blowing out the candles on Greg's cake. We didn't want Greg spreading any germs to the rest of us. By far the biggest bummer of the trip was that Greg was sick almost the whole time. He literally spent the first 5 days in bed... We went up from southern Milwaukee to northern Wisconsin and he went right back to bed for the next 2 days. After a trip to urgent care, a blood draw, a chest x-ray... it was determined that he had pneumonia. I have not seen him that sick since his cancer 19 years ago. At one point, I found him in bed on his hands and knees with his face in the pillow. He said it was the only way he could stop from coughing. POOR GUY!! How is that for vacation time huh?:(

The last 2 days of vacation he did make it up to the couch and even twice outside with the rest of us. Needless to say, the family time was almost non existent... big bummer... the kids and I had a great vacation, but it was not at all the same as it would have been had Greg been able to hang out with us. I went from taking care of and playing with the kids, to checking on him. We are hoping and praying that some how the Lord will bless us with some sweet times together in the next few weeks before school gets into full swing for us.

He is still really tired, but thank God for His healing touch on Greg that he seems to be on the mend now:)

On the way up to Wisconsin when we stopped in St. Louis for me to share our story at the seminary, I was blessed to have a couple of hours with my sweet "blog in real life friend Ebe" She and I met in Georgia about a year and a half ago with our other blog friend Tonya (we missed you so much Tonya:(

Since the last time I saw her we have both added healthy, living, precious children... It was such a sweet time to just visit and know that the other "gets it" She and her husband are now in St. Louis at a different seminary than we were during our time there:) It was a gift to get a chance to visit with her again... God has been so good to bring friends into my life because of Samuel that I never would have had the chance to meet otherwise...:)

LOOK WHO IS 5 MONTHS OLD:)

2011-08-13T23:28:00.000-07:00

Oh my.... is he yummy or what? I am absolutely blown away that 5 months of life with this precious miracle have already passed me by...

We all love his chubby legs, beautiful grayish colored eyes, kissable cheeks, silky soft bottoms of his feet, crystal clear drool... I could go on and on....

Praising God for the precious gift of life in Levi Ryan... Greg is sharing a little bit about how this little guy came to join our family in church tomorrow. We don't ever hide his story from anyone, but I know that there are many at church that may not know that he came to our family through the miracle of embryo adoption. It should be fun to see and hear some of the reactions:)

I have tons to share about our trip in the coming days... but for now... tonight... we are praising and thanking our gracious God for 5 months with this sweet little baby boy who brings such delight to our hearts! We never take a day for granted...

STATE FAIR

2011-08-07T08:04:00.000-07:00

Levi, Louis and Ella at the pig races... who is that crazy guy in the background picking his nose??? Oh yeah, just uncle Josh being a total SPAZ! Oh brother...:)

Jojo totally enjoying his cream puff... Honestly, I can only get 1/2 of one down they are so filled with cream... only in Wisconsin:)

Even though I can only get a 1/2 down... not the bigger boys, they go for the full one:)

A very tired Hopie girl:)

Anna, Jo, Levi, and I at the end of the night...
Jojo's words were, "I think my muscles are all used up!:)"
It was an extremely full day of cows, pigs, goats, horses, tons of kids, the vendor hall, and lots of food. Lots of memory making for another year:)

COUSIN TIME

2011-08-05T07:34:00.001-07:00

A bunch of the cousins in the cow barn at state fair... man we learned a lot and did a whole lot of laughing yesterday:)
We were even fortunate to get to hang out with our good friends, the Dinkelmans from Tulsa who happened to be up on vacation too:)

The kids hanging out in Pretty Lake... it is the perfect lake for kids, shallow and sandy... It is so nice to have a way to stay cool and literally just be across the road from the lake... what a blessing!

Anna and Sophia playing dress up:)

Izzy and Hope... could these 2 look any more different? They are having a ball getting to know each other this go around... Hope is totally into her new buddy:)

We are enjoying our vacation immensely. We picked up Greg from the airport and unfortunately he is not feeling well at all. We are praying that he gets to feeling better quick so he can enjoy his vacation and not spend it in bed:( We are planning on doing our sibling dinner... just the 5 siblings, spouses, 2 babies, and the rest are staying home being watched by the bigger kids. I think that they have a dance party planned... Should be a fun night for us all:)
It is just such a blessing to all be here an have this time together. I am so thankful for the healing that the Lord has brought that I truly feel like I can enjoy all these things kind of like I used to:)
I will admit that when we do take a big family picture I am always thinking that Samuel is missing... but God has been so faithful to continue to heal my heart each day...

I just watched a video about Heaven with one of my nieces and we were remarking all about what it will be like when we see Samuel again... I told I was so thankful that she was thinking about him too:) Thanks Lindsday Ladybug for remembering your little cousin:)

Such a special day....

2011-07-30T20:57:00.000-07:00

Here is Levi with our donor mom and her 2 kids...

The whole crew....

Sweet Little Levi with 2 ladies that love him so much!

Can I just tell you how amazed I am by our gracious God who works in such mysterious ways...
Today we had a special day planned...
Honestly, I wasn't sure if this day would ever happen... we have pretty much always left it open to our donor mom to do whatever she felt was right at the time...

I am soooooo glad that God allowed us to meet in person.
She is just as amazing in person as I have thought that she would be...
And her kids are just as precious:)

When she got to my parents, I couldn't contain myself and went outside to walk her up to the house. I just gave her a big hug and of course my emotions totally got the best of me. I could barely squeak out the thank you I have thought about giving to her in person, for months.
Really, it is just impossible to thank her to the degree that I want to for this sweet little cuddly miracle and gift of Levi...

Later in the day she thanked me for giving Levi a life that she could not give him right now. I couldn't help but say, I think we totally got the way better end of the deal:) I do know that it brings her heart peace to know that Levi will be raised in a Christian home where he will learn all about the Savior who loves him and died for him.

We sat on the couch and visited. I absolutely loved getting to learn more details about her and Ryan, Levi's donor dad, who died 3 years ago...

My parents live on a plot of land with my 2 brother's families... I knew that my sister in laws and nieces were chomping at the bit to come and meet them:)

For me it was like visiting with an old friend, I learned so many new things about them and their families, yet from reading each others blogs, I felt like I already totally knew them. God is so amazing to weave our lives together out of such heartache for both of us...

Honestly, she is one of the most mature, respectful people... asking if she could take his picture or give him a kiss... of course I said.... ABSOLUTELY... NO PROBLEM!

I can not imagine how today was for her and how hard it might have been....

For me, I am on the end of living life with this precious gift that never would have happened with out her... I am completely in awe of the miracle of it all! I really don't feel like that feeling of absolutely blessedness will ever leave me. I can not look at Levi with out being overcome with the goodness of our God.

Before she left she looked at him and said something about growing up to know Jesus so that one day we can all live together forever, Levi, Ryan, Samuel, all of us... Oh, I can not wait for that day... this life here is but a blink of an eye compared to eternity...

As awesome as that day will be.... today was an extremely special day this side of Heaven...

WE MADE IT....

2011-07-27T15:25:00.000-07:00

The kids and I made it here safely late late Monday night...had to pull over a couple of times just to make sure I was wide awake:) I would never want to put my sweet little treasures in harms way... Louis stayed up with me and we chatted together. That was nice.

My talk at the seminary was so nice. The people were super receptive to me sharing my story... they were incredibly gracious as I spoke through tears some of the time... they even shed some tears with me. I feel so humbled to be able to share God's story of our family and adding Samuel, Hope and Levi over the past couple of years... I was so blessed to be able to talk about my Samuel and share him with others, something I don't get to do that often... The whole things just went better than I expected. I pray God uses it in others lives as they reach out to member in their future congregations who are grieving losses. I pray that it opened up their eyes to valuing life... no matter how short... no matter the stage in pregnancy or conception. It was a joy:) God was so faithful!

We are totally enjoying the cooler temps... it has been awesome!! We are basically doing a lot of hanging out with cousins and my brothers, sister in laws and families. My parents come home Friday, so we will get to add grandparents to the mix... Then next week Greg, and my sister family will come from Boston and my youngest brother and family will join us too... All 34 of us... I can't wait:) It has been too long since we were home...

And I can't wait to see Levi's donor mom in just 4 days... I am just so excited... I am overcome with God's goodness and faithfulness through all things. I know I say that all the time, but I can't help it... I am in awe that He brought her and her twins into our lives.

If you think of it pray for Levi, he has a really bad cough... we had our 2nd dr. visit today. He has a bad cough, but besides that is great... happy, eating well, breathing fine... it still just worries me... I want him to be healthy... :) Man he is a joy....

Just wanted to update you all... Can't wait to share with you how Saturday is and share some pics of the kids and their cousins...

WORTH IT!!!

2011-07-22T22:44:00.000-07:00

Anna and I with some friends from church at the mother/daughter ettiquette tea party at church last week...

It all turned out great... I was so thankful to have all the help that I did. I could never have pulled it off on my own. We went over place settings and table ettiquette and then tried to practice some of it while we ate. This will sound sad, but honestly, it is so good for me to be reminded of a lot of the ettiquette rules...

Levi... sporting a sweet onesie that was a gift from a blog friend in Canada who had also lost a baby... Thanks Laura...

Oh... the waiting that went on for this little sweet guy.... It was so worth it!!!

We have had such a busy week trying to get ready for the kids and I to head out of town. G will join us down the road for a little bit. I got a whole mess of meals frozen so that cooking will be easy up north. I know my mom would never have said to bring any food... but I just felt like it is one way I can help, but yet prepare ahead of time.

I have felt behind all summer around the house. How can that be when we aren't doing school or music lessons. We are taking a break from so much yet, I am having a hard time getting things accomplished. Really though, so often I can't help myself form just sitting with Levi in my arms soaking up his preciousness. I love cuddling with him... there is nothing better:)

Gotta run and get in bed... too late again... I must turn over a new leaf in this area... last mother/daughter class tomorrow... then cleaning up the house... I like to come home to a clean house after vacation... but then again Greg will still be here, but he doesn't create nearly the mess we all do:)

GOD IS USING HIM...

2011-07-18T20:18:00.001-07:00

God continues to use this precious little boy...

I am so very thankful for that...

I can't tell you how much I still miss this little guy...ouch...

There have been so so many times that some have made me to feel that his life didn't count to them, wasn't a full life, because he never breathed a breath of air outside of my womb, or because they never saw him with their own eyes.

Over the last 33 months I have seen glimpses of how God has used his sweet little life to make an impact on others besides just members of our family. I remember the secretary from our church up north sending me a letter telling me all the ways that Samuel's short life had touched her life... That was one of the most precious gifts I have ever received...

Conversations with my dear friend from seminary where she will repeatedly mention Samuel and how it opened her eyes to so many things, changed her and how she sees things differently because of him; how she interacts differently with hurting people all because of his short life. She and her husband would have been Samuel's godparents... instead they are Hope's:)

Oh... my... Most people do not think to bring him up (I get it... it has been a long time:(... some are willing to talk about Samuel if I bring him up in conversation... some, I know, would run the other way if I brought him up...

But the few others who actually make it a point to mention him...ask me how I am doing at this point ... things like this are like a healing salve to my momma's heart... still 33 months later...

Does that sound crazy? 33 months later... I am just shaking my head looking at those words, 33 months later... I just wrote this same friend a letter last night telling her sometimes I feel like I have awoken from a 2 1/2 year coma...

Since Levi has arrived I feel like myself in ways that I haven't in SUCH A LONG TIME...
I catch myself rockin out to songs in the radio just to get the kids to giggle...
It feels so good... so so good....

Anyways, back to the point of my post...
I have said from day 1... Lord please don't waste this pain... please use it somehow...

Well, like I said I have seen glimpses of how God has used Samuel in other's lives. Two very exciting things are happening that are obvious ways that God is using Samuel to bring Him glory.

When I head up north with the kids, (Greg will be staying home and joining us down the road) we will make a stop in St. Louis for me to speak on campus at the seminary... The pro-life group has asked me to come and share our story of the last few years since we left the seminary.... God's story of Samuel, Hope and Levi...

Honestly, I am totally humbled. I am not in any way a public speaker. But given the opportunity to share about my kids and the miracles that He has worked through bringing each of them to us in such unique ways... I can't pass that up. If you think of it, I would appreciate any prayers... that I can articulate exactly what God wants me to, to this group of people. I can't wait to share with them the blessing and value of a life no matter how short or long it was lived here on earth.

The leader also wants me to talk about how we can help those that are grieving, and to leave time for questions. That will actually happen a week from today. Who knows, there may only be a few people there or more... I know God will bring the exact people that He wants to bring there.

Another sweet opportunity that has come my way is to help take over the infant loss support group that I attend every month, MEND Tulsa. Our wonderful leader is resigning and a sweet friend and I are going to take over the leadership. She will be the head director and I will assist her. When I heard that our leader was going to resign, the very first thing I thought was that there was no way that we could let this ministry end... it is too vital to so many mama's who have lost babies and to the many mama's who will lose babies in the future in the Tulsa area.

MEND was a lifeline to me in the first year and has been such a huge blessing to me since then. As much as others might think that they understand, unless they have lived it as well, they really don't fully understand. They can sympathize with you, but really don't "get it" so to speak.

So, to provide a safe place to heal and share with others who have walked in the same shoes, is so vital when your world has been turned upside down. I am really looking forward to continuing to use our "Samuel experience" to help give others hope... that you really will survive the loss. You will forever be changed. You will forever miss and grieve for that sweet baby... but God is faithful to carry you through...

I just wanted to share with you how God is still using our Samuel 33 months later... and that feels so good!

A DAY THAT GOD GAVE LIFE...

2011-07-13T20:53:00.000-07:00

THESE ARE 2 OF THE 3 EMBRYOS THAT THEY TRANSFERED INTO MY WOMB ONE YEAR AGO TODAY... MOST LIKELY OUR SWEET LEVI IS THE ONE ON THE LEFT:)

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES...:)

HE HAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BLUE EYES:)

I can hardly believe that a whole year has passed since Greg and I flew out to LA to transfer the babies. What an experience that was:)

I am thrilled beyond belief that the Lord saw fit to allow this little guy to live and thrive inside of me and now outside of me...

I know that it could have turned out so differently. I am so thankful to God that this was His plan to give us this miracle!

Levi Ryan,

Oh sweet precious little one. You are like a breath of fresh air in our lives. Every single person in this house can't get enough of you. You add an abundance of joy to each day and you couldn't really be an easier baby. You are such a delight to our hearts. Your life has brought healing to places in my heart that I thought might never heal. I just know that the Lord has big things in store for your life. He has worked through such challenging and difficult circumstances to bring you here. We look forward many more happy healthy years together , Lord willing. We love you so much sweet boy!

BABY BLUES...updated

2011-07-10T23:30:00.000-07:00

UPDATED: I scheduled this post... but all I had was the uploaded photo....

Can you believe that face... and eyes? What a sweet little nugget! So often people remark on what a cutie pie Levi is... and I love it because I can really take no credit for it:) This little guy was formed years ago... frozen for 5 years, thawed and transfered to my womb for a nice warm place to grow...

Can you believe that? What a miracle! What a precious and amazing creation from God!!

I have news that I am so excited to share... Last week I contacted our donor mom. We email every once in a while or message on facebook. I mentioned that I would be heading up north at the end of the month and that if she wanted to meet Levi face to face we could maybe arrange something.

I always want to be sensitive to her feelings, so I mentioned that if she is never ready to do that this side of Heaven, that we understand... no pressure on our end.

We have actually arranged for her to come to my parents... She doesn't live anywhere near them, but was going to be traveling just a couple of hours away so it will work out great!

I am so excited... She is bringing her twins along. I can't wait to thank her in person... but really feel that no matter what I say, it can't ever really be enough to express how extrememly grateful I am to her. How can I adequately articulate everything I feel deep inside of me?

The only bummer part is that Greg won't be up north yet. He is really disappointed that he will miss getting to see them.

I am just in awe of God's faithfulness through the extremely dark and difficult times. Then I am amazed at the beauty that He created in this sweet little boy... Such preciousness from such pain on both of our sides. God is so so good!

PRAYERS NEEDED

2011-07-09T02:00:00.000-07:00

Today our friend from Seminary who is a pastor in Illinois is going through a superbeam stem cell transplant in Arkansas. He is at the Multiple Myloma Institute. He has been fighting this cancer for the last 2 years and is tired.

Right now he isn't eligible for the clinical trial they were waiting on because of an increase in lesions in his back from 4 to 39 since last Friday.

Please pray for a miracle healing... pray for God's will to be done... Pray for strength for Matt's body as this will wear him out... Pray for Janet his wife who is at home with the 2 kids in IL. Pray for Matt's mom who is with him in Arkansas. Pray for the Lord to give clear guidance and direction for them. Pray for their 2 girls, 12 and 9 who are worried about their daddy.

Please pray with us for this sweet family... let's be the body!
Thanks friends!

LAST OF VACATION...

2011-07-08T11:19:00.000-07:00

Our kids and the Stockton crew.

Saying goodbye...

More goodbyes... Maybe someday these 2 won't have to say goodbye... we are working on arranging a marriage with these 2:) Kidding... but my they would be cute together... they are good little buddies...

I had blogged about going to our Texas church and knowing it would be like going home... Well, when we walked in the doors there was an older woman who was in our very first small group as a married couple... The words out of her mouth were, "Welcome Home!" She took a look at the kids and blessed them all... an my heart was bursting...

Man those people know how to love you and are not afraid to do it... It was so special!

The head pastor greeted us all, had to preach shortly, but took all the time in the world with us... such a great reminder for me... I am always in a rush on Sunday mornings... I NEVER want anyone to feel I don't have time for them...

The service was AMAZING!! The fellowship with old friends so sweet and it was just great to be there...

Then we spent the whole day with our precious friends the Stocktons. It was such a treat... visiting, swimming, the usual Dads against sons soccer game (I am still not sure who won:) and and as usual lots of laughing...

I just picked up Caleb from camp today... Our first experience with camp for any of our kids and he loved it! We are all planning on going back for family camp over Labor Day weekend:)

Greg is up in Joplin with some adults working till Saturday.

I am holding down the fort with the kids... Anna still isn't totally well and Levi had a thankfully, very short lived bout last night. I am still not sure if he caught something from Anna or if it was some formula he had while I was at Bible Study... but praise God I think they are all on the mend for the most part... We are getting there:)

DO YOU WANT TO BE INSPIRED??? CHALLENGED??? CHANGED???

2011-07-06T12:08:00.001-07:00

I have to post!!! I am totally over the top amazed by this incredible family. I started following Linny's blog, A place called Simplicity, a few years ago, right before their home was lost in a fire.

Over the years I have been inspired, challenged and changed by this woman. They are on their way to adopting thier 11th child. I always laugh because they admit that most people their age are getting ready to just start with grandchildren... but not DW and Linny. They take the call in James seriously, to care for widows and orphans... more seriously than I think anyone I know.

Just last November on a trip home to Wisconsin, my sister's friend Abbi was over for lunch. She was mentioning how she really felt like God was calling her to do a short term mission trip to Africa... but she had no idea how to go about it... I laughed showed her Linny's blog and said maybe she could hook up with DW who was taking a crew to Uganda the beginnning of January. Could Abbi pull it off, get it all organized to go in just about a month?

She did and Abbi said that DW was the real deal. He restored her hope in todays pastors... He pastors a church in Colorado.

Please check out their most recent post and be prepared to be inspired, challenged and changed? Amazing the selfless heart of these servants.... ENJOY!!!

http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/

More VACATION...

2011-07-05T23:08:00.000-07:00

Hello Alamo!

The Riverwalk in San Antonio. It sure is charming. We skipped the boat rides at $8.50 a person. We figured we would get as many free boat rides as we would like from Grandpa Neumann when we head to Wisconsin later in the summer:)

We ate Mexican on the Riverwalk. The food was great... but holy cow... the birds are crazy. They didn't bother us while we ate, but the second we were done and got up, they were swarming... It was a little creepy!

Great Granny and Levi...

All of the cousins on the Hintz side of the family.

After we left Roman Nose, we had a 9 hour drive to San Antonio. We rarely stay at hotels because it seems like we are either camping or visiting family. But San Antonio was different. We decided to stay at a hotel right near the riverwalk. It was interesting to say the least to have all 8 of us stay in a hotel room.... 2 pack n plays, 2 queens and a pull out... It was cozy, but really everyone did great!

We were a short walk to the riverwalk... but it was HOT... HOT...HOT! We did our sight seeing and then headed back to the hotel to let the little ones nap and the big ones go swimming. I think the kids would stay in the hotel, just for the chance to swim. They love it!

We only stayed in San Antonio for 2 days and then headed to hot and humid Houston to see family. This was the most time we have gotten to spend with Greg's sister and family in a long time. That was so nice. Grandma took all the ladies out to lunch at our favorite tea room in the same town that Greg and I first lived in after we were married. They actually served Anna her coke in a teapot and cup... She was beaming.

I would have to say that the comic relief on the way home would be me TOTALLY embarrassing myself. When we were gassing up the van, I had to run in and use the bathroom. I couldn't wait any longer. Well when I walked out I walked straight for the big white van right in front of me... the only trouble is when I got there and greeted the man pumping the gas... it wasn't Greg... and when I looked over to where MY VAN was... There were Greg and the big kids all cracking up... Glad I could give them that sweet gift of humor:)

Enjoying Roman Nose...

2011-07-04T22:29:00.000-07:00

AHHH.... THE FREEZING COLD WATER OF THE NATURAL SPRINGS....

"GET ME OUT OF HERE... IT IS TOO CHILLY!"

ANNA AND CALEB SPLASHING AROUND IN THE SPRINGS...

IT WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SETTING... JOJO WAS TAKING IN ALL THAT GOD'S CREATION HAD TO OFFER...

The first 3 days of our vacation were spent at a pastor's retreat at Roman Nose State park a few hours from us.

We were so fortunate to be able to spend this time with the Tiews family. It worked out perfectly. We stayed in a duplex type cabin side by side. We were able to go swimming in the park pool and natural springs ( the water was freezing, or as us northern girls like to call it... refreshing), attend the retreat sessions, and cook our meals together. The first day when we were all getting ready to go swimming the door between the 2 rooms was open... When I came out with my suit on... the kids said, "Boy that is weird, your suit looks just like Mrs. Tiews." Lo and behold we had the exact same swim suit bottoms, and really similar tops. We both ordered them off the overstock on the landsend website... BIZARRE! I think we are starting to think more and more alike on a lot of things:)

When we were first in a small group together 13 years ago in Texas with just one child each, who would have thought another 9 kids later we would end up serving different churches in the same city... That has been such a blessing.

Isn't that just like God to know exactly what you need ahead of time and to provide in ways you would never have imagined? I love that God gave us that special sweet gift for both of our first calls into ministry:)

I CAN'T RESIST....

2011-07-03T07:49:00.001-07:00

I couldn't resist posting some of the many expressions of Levi over the past few weeks. Man, this sweet little guy just melts my heart, and keeps me constantly in awe of our Creator God.

He is such a good baby, really easy going for the most part. He traveled great in the car and pretty much is just happy to have someone paying attention to him. And trust me, he gets loads of attention. Just this morning before G and the the 2 older boys left for church at the crack of dawn, I knew Caleb would have to come in and sneak some sugies from Levi. He is heading to camp for 4 days after church. I think he may just miss Levi the most of all while he is away:)

I had to stay home from church today with the four littles. Anna threw up again last night. I am a bit baffled... we had pork ribs, although she had that 2 days ago and was fine... but the last time she was sick a couple of weeks ago, we had pulled pork that night. I don't know it may just come down to the fact that she still sucks her thumb and she is probably picking up germs... but thankfully no one else is showing any signs of feeling bad... time will tell...

Well, I just wanted to share some pictures of the littlest sweetie. I will try to post some pictures from our vacation soon. It was really nice to get away... much needed... but it was nice to get home too:) I can't tell you how much Greg and I love our own bed:)

Anna and Levi

2011-06-29T22:34:00.000-07:00

Anna and I have really been enjoying our Mommy/daughter bible time up at church on Saturday mornings... Honestly, she has been almost giddy to the point of having to settle her down. I think she is just that excited.

She is growing up so quickly... will be 9 in the fall. Gone are the days when she seems like a little one... with that comes great joy in my heart... yet there are pains there too.

How can time be passing by me so quickly??

To see her with Levi just melts my heart. She has such a tender heart... but to see her with a little one shows me her mommy heart and I can see God growing that part of her as she helps with Levi. She is the best little helper.

She is about the same exact age I was when my littlest brother Josh was born and I was all over that kid:) She is just the same with Levi... but in a really good way. She is so careful and can hardly wait till he wakes up in the morning.

Boy I love these 2 precious ones...

On the road again:)

2011-06-25T09:40:00.000-07:00

We are on a much needed vacation... Oh my... my hubby has worked so hard and really has only taken a couple days off in the last 6 months. He was busy being dad, homemaker, pastor, boo boo kisser etc etc, while I was in the hospital. Then we had sweet Levi and Greg hadn't taken a breath yet, until now...He soooo deserves this time. I will update with some pics from vacation once we get home... but for now we are in Texas enjoying some much needed family time... extended family time... and long time friend time.

I am about to hit the sack but we are so excited to go back to our 1st church as a married couple tomorrow morning. I know it will be like going HOME! Salem is such a special place to us with so many special people who I know have been lifting us up in much prayer over the past couple of years. I can not wait to give these people some hugs in person... It is long over due... and this girl is soooo excited too, to actually sit by my hubby in church and worship together side by side and as a whole family for the first time in a long time.... Tomorrow is going to be a great day, I can feel it:)

But for now I will leave you with a few picture from before we left home...

Look at these 2 knock outs... Are these beads fun or what? They were a gift from a friend and ALL the kids love them:)
These 2 brothers love playing in the water after it rains... and it NEVER seems to happen with out adding a little mud to the mix...

Blessings

2011-06-23T06:00:00.000-07:00

Louis took these fun pictures of the great farm eggs we get from a lady at church...

She is so cool... she is Jojo's Sunday School teacher and she and her husband live on a vineyard about 10 minutes from our house.

It is absolutely gorgeous!

Every couple of weeks she rings the door bell and has an abundance of eggs for us.

I never have to buy eggs and it is such a blessing to us...

That has been one of the great perks and bonuses to being a pastor here...

OUR FILL OF FARM FRESH EGGS!

Have I ever told you Caleb is the egg maker in the house?

He, by far, makes the best scrambled eggs I have ever had...

COME ON... REALLY????

2011-06-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of a place I pass every time I head into town... We live in the sticks a bit...

But... Come on really?

I honestly can't believe people post signs like this.

At first it sort of made me laugh...

But then it sort of just made me sad... people can be so catty, persnickity (is that even a word??), bitter and mean... I could go on and on....

I don't know... it just strikes me in a not so warm way....

Just had to share it with you all...

I am hoping that NO ONE ever feels that way when they come to our house... I have always said that our house is the Lord's and hopefully we have the doors open to anyone for a warm visit:)

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!!

2011-06-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh.... I love Greg more now than the day I married him almost 18 years and 7 kids ago...
Happy Father's Day Greg...

He is such a good daddy to his kids...

Such a good provider to his wife and family....

He puts up with a whole lot of craziness each day:)...

These kids are so blessed to call him daddy today and everyday!! :)

I wanted to also wish my sweet papa a Happy Father's Day up in Wisconsin:) I miss you daddy! Life was NEVER dull with you as my dad... it was and still is downright fun:) We will celebrate next month together:)

And we wanted to wish Greg's dad a Happy Father's Day as well...I owe him so much in raising up my hubby to be such a great husband and Father to all of our sweet precious gifts from God!

JOJO

2011-06-12T21:58:00.000-07:00

Since we took this picture just a couple of weeks ago... his other top middle tooth is gone... he looks different... older... sigh:)

We've been enjoying our watermelon this summer... I think we are on our 4th already:) They have all been awesome!

Someone needs a haircut:)

Hmmmm, anyone want a bite??

One happy, tummy full, content customer... ahhh... I love summer... but I could easily do with out this 95+degree heat:)

MY SURVIVOR:)

2011-06-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

MY GREG WITH HOPIE ON HIS BACK...

GREG WALKING THE FIRST LAP WITH THE REST OF THE SURVIVORS.... (I KNOW... NOT THE BEST PICTURE:)

THESE WERE ALL THE SURVIVORS WHO STARTED THE SURVIVOR LAP... THEY HAVE BEEN CANCER FREE FOR A YEAR OR LESS...

MY SWEET SURVIVOR WITH HIS NEWEST LITTLE GUY:) I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN TELL, BUT HIS HAIR NEVER DID GROW BACK FULLY IN THE BACK AFTER HIS RADIATION...

A week ago we participated in the Relay For Life, a cancer walk to raise funds for the American Cancer Society. It was really special for us.

My sweet husband has been Cancer free for almost 19 years. That is absolutely crazy to me. I remember as clear as can be, when he was diagnosed just 2 1/2 months after we started dating. I remember his parents calling and telling my parents before they called me, just not sure how I would take the news. I had only met them for the first time just 3 weeks before. I remember my parents being at a marriage retreat the following weekend and hearing my mom say that when they requested prayer for Greg, that my dad just lost it... it was one of the first times she had ever seen him cry... I remember almost passing out as I watched some of the tests they did to determine what stage the cancer was in... I could go on and on and on.... all distinct but very distant memories of the battle my honey was in for his life... Wow... I can't believe all God has brought Greg through... brought us through...

What a strong and amazing man I am married to. When we first planned on getting married Greg had wanted to work for the American Cancer Society... it just never worked out that way. God had other plans for him. I was a proud wife watching him walk the survivor lap. I am always amazed at the story the Lord is writing in Greg's life... He is such a willing and humble servant... really I learn so much from him in those areas...

It was a really cool experience to be a part of the Relay for Life. Members from our church have a huge part in it. Greg had to do the opening prayer... next year we hope to be more involved or even just stay longer or even over night with the kids. I think we need to celebrate each and every bit of what the Father has brought us through... He is the great healer...

Tonight, I just want to ask you to pray for my sweet friend Mary's mom who is fighting lung cancer and our dear friends Matt and Janet and their 2 girls. He is a pastor in Illinois and is fighting Multiple Myloma and the battle is intense right now. Please pray for the Lord's healing, comfort and peace for their hearts, and His will to be done in their lives through this difficult time.

A YEAR AGO TODAY...

2011-06-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

BE STILL MY BEATING HEART....
THE MANY FACES OF LEVI...SUCH SWEET PRECIOUSNESS AND HEALING ALL WRAPPED UP IN THIS CUDDLY BUNDLE...

A YEAR AGO TODAY...

WE ADOPTED THIS SWEET PRECIOUS LITTLE GUY...

AS AN EMBRYO, ALONG WITH HIS 6 SIBLINGS ( AND THAT MICROSCOPIC DOUBLE CHIN...LOVE IT! :)...

(HE HAS SOME OF THE CUTEST, FUNNIEST FACES... THIS IS HIS FAMOUS SCOWL:)

WHAT A RIDE... WHAT A JOURNEY... WHAT A MIRACULOUS BLESSING YOU ARE LEVI RYAN!!!
WE ARE SO SO THANKFUL FOR OUR DONOR MOM AND TO GOD WHO GAVE YOU TO US A YEAR AGO TODAY:)

GOD'S BEAUTY

2011-06-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

Louis took these pictures a few weeks back... I thought they were sooooo pretty...

I am so thankful that summer is here...

We have some History to finish up... we may be at it most of the summer if we just take a little each day...

Anna and Lou have one full day left to complete... but last week we were pretty caught up in the beginning of summer and didn't get to any of school work... tomorrow is the day ...

BUSY WEEKEND!! Friday we had the relay for life, a cancer fundraiser. I am going to do a whole post on it soon, I hope:)

Yesterday I had our first class for the GROWING LITTLE WOMEN class I am teaching at church... It is for moms and their daughters ages 6-10. We had about 20 there and oh my goodness, Anna was over the top thrilled. She was super jazzed up about it. Just seeing her excitement makes me realize all the more that I NEED to carve out that individual time for all of them.

Today we had a pot luck for anyone interested in the mission trips to Grenada next summer. Hmmmm, it sure would be nice to do a family mission trip... I am not at all sure if it will work out, but it was super exciting just to think about it. Then we all headed out to the field to watch the guys play a double header of softball. I haven't seen Greg play in a couple of years, and let me say... he is still really good, at least in my opinion:) Thank God the bleachers were shaded. It was around 98 degrees today...

We have had those crazy pantry moths in our pantry... It was driving me crazy. My mom did a super cleaning back in March when she was here, and we hadn't seen any in about a month, when all of a sudden a couple weeks ago, they got really bad... Greg and Caleb completely emptied the whole pantry and we are HOPING that this is the end of them.

Literally, I walked in the door tonight at 6 pm and crawled right into bed. That is TOTALLY uncharacteristic of me. I slept for the next couple of hours, fed the baby, and just laid there...For some reason, I felt totally overwhelmed... it was almost like I finally took a break, and the weight of the last 2 1/2 years caught up with me. I feel like after losing Samuel and the wildness of having Faith live here and having her baby that we planned on adopting die...we just kept trudging forward trusting and hoping in the Lord, (really it was more like hanging on by a thread a lot of days, and hanging on to every last shred of hope we could find:)... and now that we actually have Hope's crazy adoption in the past and have Levi here safely... it is like my heart can finally just rest.

I don't think I have ever in life experienced the intensity of emotions that I have in the past 2 1/2 years. I am ready for some coasting (emotional wise) and just enjoying this life God has given us... I think that my bad sleep habits don't help either. I am determined to get myself to bed earlier....that is one huge goal for summer. It has already gotten somewhat better.

The weird thing is that there are a lot of things going on for my husband that make me wonder if a resting period is even in place for us... I could easily see big changes in the future that would involve not a whole lot of "rest" for anyone in this house... We have been praying BIG TIME about A LOT of things. I know God can and will work it all out according to His plans, that gives my heart peace, but man I just pray He guides Greg and makes the way SUPER clear...

With that said, I am going to hit the hay... I am super tired, but super thankful... thankful for the lives of each member of my family... thankful for the rest my soul can find in HIM<><

2011-06-03T05:01:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

This is Greg... Sara's letting me post info on the terrible destruction in Joplin, MO. The tornado was categorized as an F5 and caused much destruction.

Louis and I had the opportunity to drive up to Joplin and help with Samaritan's Purse. They are so organized and they take care of you while you are helping care for so many hurting people. Our work days included: debris removal, packing items that made it (in some homes), hunting for items that were salvagable (because some don't have insurance!), and sorting (clothes, diapers, toys, food, etc.) from donors trying to help.

If you are able, I highly encourage you to get there and help... the people can obviously use physical help, but they also need a loving heart and a good set of ears to hear them tell you what they have been through. I know Sara has said this before, and I just want to reiterate... don't worry about what you will say, it's important just to have someone to be there with them and know they are not alone.

God bless you and keep you in the love of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior... and please keep praying for the people of Joplin, MO.

Greg :)

YIPPEE!!

2011-06-02T17:57:00.000-07:00

I just have to tell you all that I saw God perform a miracle in my friend's marriage last week!

You know who you are:) And I can't wipe the smile off my face when I think about it:)

God worked in hearts, moved mountains, and changed a marriage and the future of marriage for their children... I believe for generations to come...

I believe the Holy Spirit was moving and they were listening... and I couldn't be happier...

It is amazing how God can turn a situation around... on a dime... sometimes when you least expect it... or in a way... literally you would NEVER expect...

What a sweet, sweet miracle to witness!

Prayers that I have been praying for a year were answered...

Thank you Lord!!

BABY LOVE

2011-05-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

THOSE SWEET BABY BLUES....

THE TINY LITTLE BIRTH MARK BY HIS NOSE...

SWEET BABY SOFT SKIN AND PERFECTLY UNIQUE FINGERPRINTS...

THE MOST KISSABLE LIPS...

ROUND LITTLE CHUBBY CHEEKS...

I COULD JUST ABOUT EAT UP EVERY SINGLE INCH OF THIS SWEET MIRACULOUS GIFT FROM GOD...

GOODBYE KITTENS:)

2011-05-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

Today we say goodbye to the last of these 3 little kittens.

Louis's guitar teacher claimed one of the sweet little gray ones. Aren't their blue eyes so pretty?

The rest were snatched up at youth last Wednesday night... I told Lou he needed to find homes for all of them, and let me just say, taking them to youth with you will do the trick:)

It was really fun having them... but at the same time, I am ready to get the garage cleaned out and ready for summer playing.

Greg and Lou were in Joplin the last 2 days... Wow... is all I can say from the pictures he took and the stories he told me. It is overwhelming to think of all that was lost in lives, homes, possessions, jobs, income... I could go on and on... I will try to do a post soon, who knows maybe I can even talk Greg into posting about it. They met up with my oldest brother Mark, his wife Janie, and their 5 girls and worked with Samaritan's Purse.

Since Joplin is so close they are heading down here tomorrow for just a day I think... It will so great to have a quick visit together... we also are watching our friends 3 kids this weekend, so it will be a party around here. I am excited since we haven't seen them in the last 6 months...

I miss my family. The kids and I plan on heading up later in July for at least a couple of weeks... It already seems REALLY warm to me, so a couple of weeks in cooler Wisconsin will be wonderful in the crazy July heat around here...

THE RABBIT HOLE

2011-05-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

Saturday night Greg and I watched the Nicole Kidman movie "The Rabbit Hole" You may or may not have heard of it, it is a movie about a couple's journey through the grief of losing their 4 year old son.

While it isn't a movie for kids, it was good, it sort of revalidates all the feelings I have as a mom who has lost a child... I remember at one point Greg leaning over and saying to me, "We could have written this movie. The characters have so many conflicting emotions, yet you could TOTALLY identify and understand why they ALL were feeling the way that they were.

In the movie, the mother to Nicole Kidman's character also had lost a son, but he was much older and it was due to very different circumstances. Nicole Kidman's character asks her mom, "Does it ever get any better, this grief?" And the mothers response just hit me right in the heart... I will paraphrase, She said no, after 11 years it hadn't really gotten better, but it had changed. She said at some point you are able to climb out from under the weight of that deep grief. That it was still something she carried around with her everyday, sort of like a brick in her pocket. She said she would reach in her pocket and remember oh, yeah, there it is... And that was fine, because it was all she really had of her son now since he was gone...

While I didn't agree with everything in the movie... I so could identify with so much of it... Even now amidst so much great joy... I do still feel the weight of that brick in my pocket... It is heavier at some times compared to other times. I love the joy that I am feeling these days, yet when I feel that brick it is SO OK with me... It is all I have of my son... and when I think of him, cry tears over his short life and our so so precious time that we had with him, it doesn't feel as awful, more sort of nice (I know that must sound strange)... remembering him and thinking on him makes me feel close to him in some way... I love that feeling.

There were a couple of crazy parts to the movie, but all in all I liked it a lot, I think just because I related to it on so many levels. I think it would be a great movie for anyone to see, not kids of course, but those who have lost a child or loved one, or those who are struggling to relate to someone who has lost a child. I think it might open up eyes to the deep despair people feel, and the extreme difficulty of stepping through each day after a loss like that...

I am sure it isn't a real popular movie because of the grief content...but I thought I would throw out my 2 cents on it for what it is worth...

I figured since I was posting about loss and grief it would give me a reason to share a few pictures of Samuel:) Oh how I love and miss this sweet boy...

Wow, it is so strange to look at this sweet picture of our family of 7 and to see the two sweet precious faces of Hope and Levi missing. I am so so so thankful that God chose to give us those 2 sweet miracles after such heartache... he is so faithful... (I always struggle because I know he could have chosen not to give them to us and He STILL would be faithful... but oh, I am so glad He saw fit to bless us in that way:)

WELL THAT WAS EXCITING...

2011-05-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

Well, that was an exciting night. Thank the Lord for great neighbors who so willingly let our 8 and many other people join them in their cellar tonight.

We went over their house and watched on the news as the storm got closer... and then we all hunkered down in their cellar. IT WAS HUGE!! Honestly, I think that they could easily get 30 people down there, but we just had 14 tonight. We had lots of chairs down there so we just sat, listened to the radio, and visited... it was so nice to be under ground.

We have a sweet elderly neighbor lady who brought suckers down for all the kids... The best comment from her tonight was ... that she had her jewels and her chocolate with her and that was all she really wanted to save from the house... she is such a FUNNY and precious lady.

Once we got down there and tied down the door... the neighbor lady asked if Greg would pray and read Psalm 91... It was really cool, to pray, read scripture, and then just wait it out... It sure calmed everyone down and mentally gave us exactly the focus we needed... to have our focus on the Lord and His faithfulness...

We did have a smaller tornado touch down less than 8 miles from us that did a fair amount of damage to that little town... but we were totally safe. I am just glad that the threat is over for now:) Thank you God for your protection... These storms that hit Oklahoma tonight moved right into MO and Joplin... Please continue to pray with me for those poor people there...

Thought I would share a few of the most recent pictures of the kids:)

PRAYERS FOR JOPLIN

2011-05-23T16:27:00.000-07:00

Wow, the devastation in Joplin is just gut wrenching to me. It is hard to believe that so many people lost their lives and worldly possessions just less than 2 hours away... I am hoping that somehow our church can help the people of Joplin in some way... I have been praying for the people there all day... And all of that on top of the other deadly tornadoes of this Spring... I just do not remember so many people losing their lives in other years due to tornadoes...so sad...

We are making sure our radio has batteries in it as we are expecting bad storms here tonight and over the next 2 days... I checked in with the neighbor next door as they have a underground shelter. I am REALLY hoping we don't need to make use of it... I actually called today to check on getting one put in at our house. These are the days that this northern girl misses her basement immensely...

WHAT A WEEK:)

2011-05-18T22:02:00.001-07:00

MOTHER'S DAY 2011

This is one of my favorite pictures that we took on Mother's Day... why you ask... because it is so real... There is Jojo looking like he might wet his pants and there in the middle of it is sweet wild Hpe, sticking out her tongue... she is such a rascal...

This week she discovered how to climb out of the crib. It didn't surprise me at all... but she is the type of kid that I worry will hurt herself. We had to call poison control 2 weeks ago, because somehow when I was right with her, she snuck a bite of my deoderant... and to my disbelief she did swallow it. The lady at the poison control center said it is extremely common for kids her age. Really, to actually swallow deoderant? Yuck!

We have put childproof locks on all the doors in the house, which unfortunately Jojo can't even open. She is just so curious and busy... more so than any of the other kids. She also has started to throw temper tantrums. She is the first child where they haven't come to an abrupt halt as soon as we addressed it. It sort of makes me laugh because here we are with our 6th child and she is giving us a run for our money... Challenging us to try different things than we ever have had to before. It totally humbles me and really makes me realize I will never have this parenting thing down... I know that there will be new things, especially as we enter the teenage years that will totally have me pondering... What do we do now?

But at the same time I can see a calming down in her and she is listening so much better. It was funny, the other day when Greg and I were talking, I said, "Well this must be what they talk about when they say the terrible twos!" Up and down:) I just have never really experienced it with any of the other kids. And I say that all, with a happy heart, because they aren't really terrible at all, just a bit challenging at times. When I think of the fact that God brought this sweet, just precious, extremely smart, curious, somewhat bossy, full of the hootspa girl to our family in the absolute darkest time of my life I am soooooo very thankful! I fully trust and know that He is sovereign and she was meant for us! That brings me such joy:)!!!

The boys got 2nd in their soccer tournament last weekend. It was a really fun weekend, just busy... and that led into a really busy week. It has been so great to have them on the same team (Caleb plays up a division) but next year that won't work out because he will be 2 full years younger. It will make for a busier fall that is for sure. But honestly, it is so fun to watch them both do something that they really enjoy and are good at:)

Greg finally tonight had a night at home with us. I don't think he has made it home before 9:30 yet this week and he is always up and gone before any of us wake up:) It is funny how ministry flows because even though he is covering a lot more, (especially being the end of the school year, there are preschool graduations, national honor society deals, end of the school year activities etc etc. ) because our other pastor is on sabbatical right now, it has ALWAYS seemed like there are just weeks like this anyway in ministry... but then other weeks are a lot better. It ebbs and flows.

I am not complaining at all. Earlier this week, when I was having a week moment, I was sort of feeling sorry for myself... wishing we could be camping with our Texas friends this week, like we had planned... and then I was just so thankful to have my husband at all. There are so many women whose husbands travel a ton, have passed away, or who are serving our country... I CAN NOT COMPLAIN about a really busy work week. God is good... He always allows me to get my cup full when Greg is around and then it doesn't seem bad at all:)

A friend and I co led the monthly MEND meeting this past week for my infant loss support group. I have never done that and was a bit nervous... you just never know... there are so many intense emotions involved and it can be so hard when there is someone new, fresh in their grief... your heart just wants to break for them. I am so glad that there is MEND and it really seemed to go well. I was thankful for that. It is an amazing ministry:)

Well, that is about all for now... heading to bed after a really sweet little snuggle time with the little guy just a bit ago... I was just soaking up the sweetness:) LOVE IT!!!

A FIRST AND MY TAKE ON IT...

2011-05-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

I have now received my very FIRST negative comment...

I debated on if I should respond to it at all...

I showed it to Greg, and the older boys happened to over hear, and they all had their own personal responses... :)

Honestly, I had to laugh about the whole ridiculousness of the comment itself...

But I am responding to it because I want this person to know that I am praying for them... Praying for the Lord to help them to realize that each and every child is a precious and unique gift from Him...

This person obviously has never lost a child nor read my blog in the past...

As far as replacement babies go...

For me... losing Samuel has turned me into a mama bear as far as his memory goes... I am fiercely serious about honoring his memory and all of the things that make him the perfect unique creation that God made him... NO ONE COULD EVER TAKE HIS PLACE... it is impossible!

Had we not lost Samuel... we still would have added to our family, Lord willing...

And as far as this sweet little miracle Levi, that has joined our family... I would have loved this little beauty just the same had he come before or after Samuel.

His miracle embryo adoption story makes him all the more his very own person, with his VERY own extemely special place in our family... (just the other day, I was waiting for 2 MEND friends outside of a restaurant and another couple came up to me and were commenting on Levi...( I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF BUT TO EXPLAIN HOW HE CAME TO BE A PART OF OUR FAMILY... I Love sharing about the goodness and faithfulness of our God in bringing Levi safely to our family:)

When people have made some of their cliche comments about our loss...for example...Even though you lost Samuel, you need to be so thankful for the kids that you do have... I, a lot of times respond by sharing...

I have 2 arms and 2 legs and yes I am so very thankful for them all... but if I lost a leg... I would still be so thankful for the other leg and my arms... but would I not miss that leg? Of course I would miss having my second leg...

As far as a replacement goes... even if I got a prosthetic leg... it could never replace my other leg... it would be totally different... would I be thrilled to have the new leg? ABSOLUTELY! But would there be times that I still missed my original leg? Of course... that is because nothing could replace the old leg... it would always be different.

I could have 100 kids... and still miss Samuel, still wish he was here growing up with the rest of us.

I am thrilled beyond belief to have our new son here...thrilled beyond belief that the Lord has blessed us in this way, by giving us the desire of our hearts... but Levi could never replace Samuel... they each will ALWAYS ... ALWAYS have their very own special place in our family... just like Hope does, who also came after Samuel.... Just like Louis, Caleb, Anna, and Elijah have as well!

And I can GUARANTEE YOU, this sweet little Levi will NEVER doubt that he is loved deeply just for being who God made him to be... in fact, I am pretty sure that he is feeling pretty smothered in love these days... no lack of love from any of the hearts in this home:)

So there is my take on replacement babies... THERE IS NO SUCH THING... AT LEAST NOT IN THIS HOUSE:)...

WE ARE SO VERY THANKFUL FOR EACH AND EVERY PRECIOUS CHILD THAT THE LORD GIVES TO US:)... NO MATTER HOW AND WHEN HE CHOOSES TO GIVE THEM:)

FOR...

You created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well!
Psalm 139:13-14

This little guy is looking like he was knit together pretty beautifully by our Gracious Heavenly Father... His works sure are WONDERFUL!!

Knit together beautifully from the top of his head down to the bottom of his sweet little feet:)

SO GRATEFUL AND SO BLESSED:)

2011-05-13T22:27:00.000-07:00

HERE ARE 3 OF MY DEAR FRIENDS...
THEY ARE THE LADIES IN OUR COUPLES SMALL GROUP...
LADIES WHO HAVE
CRIED TEARS OF SORROW WITH ME...
CRIED TEARS OF PURE HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER WITH ME...
TAKEN CARE OF ME IN THE HOSPITAL...
TAKEN CARE OF MY FAMILY WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL...

SOME OF THE LADIES WHO HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE THICK AND THE THIN OF THE LAST 2+ YEARS WITH ME...

I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THEIR LOVE, SUPPORT AND FRIENDSHIP:)
TODAY WE GOT TO WELCOME TRICIA'S SWEET LITTLE JACKSON INTO THIS WORLD...
I AM SO THANKFUL THAT HE ARRIVED SAFELY... PRAISE GOD!

NOT THE GREATEST PICTURE... BUT LEVI AND JACKSON'S FIRST PICTURE TOGETHER:)

IT HAS BEEN A JOY TO BE PREGNANT AT THE SAME TIME AS TRICIA:) SHE IS ONE OF THE MOST GENEROUS, FUNNIEST, BRUTALLY HONEST GIRLS I KNOW... I REALLY LOVE THAT ABOUT HER:)

IT IS KIND OF FUNNY... TRICIA AND I ARE ALMOST THE SAME AGE.. AND QUITE HONESTLY THERE ARE TIMES I HAVE FELT LIKE SARAH IN THE BIBLE, HAVING A BABY IN MY OLDER AGE. :)

I KNOW THAT I AM NOT OLD AT ALL, AND REALLY DON'T FEEL IT AT ALL. BUT WHEN I WAS AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE, I COULDN'T BELIEVE HOW YOUNG THE OTHER PREGNANT GALS LOOKED:)

IN REALITY, MOSTLY THEY WEREN'T THAT YOUNG... PROBABLY ABOUT THE SAME AGE I WAS WHEN I HAD MY FIRST LOUIS...

HONESTLY THOUGH, WE WAITED LONG AND HARD FOR GOD TO GIVE US LOUIS, AND BOY DID I TREASURED MY PREGNANCY AND MY TIMES WITH HIM AS A BABY...

BUT OHHHH THE SWEETNESS OF HAVING LEVI HERE... IT IS JUST INCREDIBLE AND SUCH A PRECIOUS BLESSING FROM GOD! I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE SWEETEST PRESENT EVER!!

I WILL TRY TO POST PICTURES FROM MOTHER'S DAY SOON...

SOME OF THE REASONS I LOVE BEING A MOM...

2011-05-07T19:59:00.000-07:00

THESE ARE THE TOP 7 REASONS I LOVE BEING A MOM:)!!!!

LEVI...OH...MY... PRECIOUSNESS...I COULD JUST EAT HIM UP:)

SAMUEL...OH...HOW I LONG TO BE REUNITED FOR ALL OF ETERNITY WITH THIS PRECIOUS SON OF MINE...

JOJO, ANNA, AND HOPE. THERE IS SO MUCH JOY, AND GIGGLES THAT FILL MY DAYS BECAUSE OF THESE FUN LOVING KIDDOS...

LOUIS AND CALEB...MY OH MY, HOW THESE TWO ARE GROWING INTO YOUNG MEN...

Mother's Day has been on my heart all week... Of course I look forward to it with great joy... yet there is so much more that goes into it for me....

I can't help but think of all the women who are longing to be moms to children here on earth... I know too many women whose babies or kids are already in Heaven, and even some whose ONLY kids are in Heaven. I know that not everyone will acknowledge them as Moms today and that makes my heart so sad for them. I remember the years when I wanted to be a mom SOOOOO badly, and it just wasn't happening. Those Mother's Days were hard... I wondered if it would ever happen for me.... would that be in God's plan for my life?

So this week I have been praying a lot for my friends and even people I don't know that struggle with infertility or have had repeated miscarriages, or have lost babies full term, that just long for a child to hold here on earth...

I don't think I mentioned about my ride to church Easter morning. I was so overcome with missing Samuel. Easter is one of those family holidays where you can't help but think of all of your kids. I was thinking about what he would have been like as a 2 year old hunting for his Easter basket, what he would have looked like in his Easter dress ups... Just honestly, what he would have looked like at all... would that brown hair be curly or straight. I just missed having him here with us so badly. I cried almost the whole way to church... About 5 minutes before we got there, Anna noticed and asked why I was crying... It was then that we started talking about what Easter must be like in Heaven... that did change my perspective, thinking about my son celebrating Easter with the risen King Jesus himself.... but I still missed him and thought about him so much that day....

The sweet thing was that one of our friends was greeting people that morning and since it was raining, he greeted me at my car with an umbrella in hand... I can not tell you how much it meant to have a smiling friend's face greet me and help me get the kids into church with out getting soaked. It was like the perfect touch from my Heavenly Father that morning to remind He cares about all the big things I was thinking about and the little things too...

I know that this Mother's Day Samuel will be on my mind more than normal as well... Oh how this mama just longs to have all her children with her on Mother's Day... But for Samuel's sake, I know he is so much better off where he is... safe in heaven...

I am so thankful for all my kids here on earth with me and my children in Heaven... Each one is perfectly created by our Heavenly Father. He knows the number of each of their days... And we are feeling so blessed to be able to enjoy each of them we have now... they add SO SO SO MUCH JOY to my days. I remember as a little kids dreaming of being a mom... I am so thankful that God saw fit to give me those desires of my heart.

I am so thankful today for the gift of a wonderful mother who was a great mom and still is today (I so wish I could be spending part of my day with her today)... and for a wonderful mother-in-law, who did such a great job in raising my husband to be the man and father that he is today!

KEEPING IT REAL...

2011-05-04T22:55:00.000-07:00

YEP... JUST KEEPING IT REAL HERE FOLKS...

THIS IS THE EVER GROWING PILE OF LAUNDRY THAT HAS MADE IT'S HOME ON MY DINING ROOM TABLE...(SORRY MOM:)

I NEVER GOT TO FOLDING LAST WEEKS LAUNDRY AND ADDED TO IT IS THIS WEEKS...

I AM HOPING THE KIDS AND I CAN GET TO IT TOMORROW SO WE CAN START EATING IN THE DINING ROOM AGAIN...:)

I ACTUALLY LOVE THE CHORE OF FOLDING LAUNDRY... DON'T REALLY LIKE THE JOB OF PUTTING IT ALL AWAY...

DOES ANYONE ELSE STRUGGLE WITH JUST FINDING THE TIME TO GET TO IT? I HAVE A REALLY BIG WASHER SO I REALLY ONLY DO ABOUT 5 LOADS A WEEK NOT INCLUDING CLOTH DIAPERS...

I HAVE ALWAYS JUST DONE ALL MY LAUNDRY ON ONE DAY OF THE WEEK... MAYBE I NEED TO GO TO A LOAD A DAY TO AVOID THE ABOVE PROBLEM...

ADVICE ANYONE???