Thursday, October 28, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Anyways, back to my walk. I was doing some talking with the Lord ( more like I was doing some talking, venting, and He was listening) over my memories of this time 2 years ago... my heart was weary and my tears were flowing. As I rounded the bend to turn around and come back towards our side of the neighborhood... my eyes were amazed by this beautiful pink sky with a double rainbow right by our neighbors house. The sunset never even shows on that part of the sky... It was the oddest thing. I cut through the yards to try to grab my camera and get some pictures, it was just beautiful. This is what I saw....
Once I got some pictures, I headed back around the house to cut back through the yards to start my walk where I left off, but I was literally stopped in my tracks... it was like the sky was on fire. That whole horizon was ablaze in God's glory... It was like he was reminding me of His promises to NEVER LEAVE US OR FORSAKE US... as much as that may have been how it felt 2 years ago... I now can look back and see Him walking us through the past 2 years. And I knew he would walk through this next week with us as well!
It was so beautiful and such a VIVID reminder of the Lord's presence in our daily lives. It was exactly what I needed to see and hear from the Lord. I was so thankful to just have that 10 turned into 30 minutes with him soaking in the beauty of His creation.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
1. Tonight I am thankful for my sweet friend Becky. (I love my friend Mary too:) Becky is on the left in the picture below.
(I know this may embarrass you Beck, but I can't help myself... I just got off the phone with you, and you sat and listened to me, tears and all, as usual. And I love you for it!!!) She is one of my sweet seminary friends, we are so like minded in many of the ways that make us somewhat usual to others:) She is getting ready to have their 7th child anytime in the next month. It is Becky and her husband Chad that really made adopting a reality in our future when we met them... they had already adopted 2, and we were so blessed to walk through the adoption journey of their precious Asher, our Godson, while we were at Sem with them.
She is one of the most compassionate people I know. I tell her all the crazy things that grief causes me to think, feel or even do... and she never freaks out... in fact, her reactions always reassure me. She was one of the few people we called when we knew Samuel was gone... I knew she would get people on campus praying for us. And she has received many a tear filled conversation since. We can be crying one minute and laughing at the reality of our crazy filled lives in the next minute. Really, God has given her the most tremendous heart and I am so fortunate to call her my precious friend...
2. I am thankful for this sweet pumpkin JOJO, that God blessed me with 5 1/2 years ago.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A few weeks back, late one night, after the kids were in bed, my honey and were dancing in the dark to this amazing song... DANCING IN THE MINEFIELDS by Andrew Peterson. (I have to add here that one of my first heart thumping... I really like this guys moments, was when Greg asked me to dance at a costume dance my sophomore year of college:)
I have to say Andrew Peterson is one of my all time favorite artists...very folksy... such a great story teller...and absolutely hilarious in concert.
As I sit through my husband leading he Love an Respect Bible class at church on Wednesday nights... really I fall more in love with the guy! Now I will never be one to sugar coat our relationship and pretend that our life is perfect... it is far from the Perfect that I think that the Lord would desire...(and it really can get under my skin when someone candy coats things and makes it seem like everything in life is peaches... maybe that is how their lives are.... but ours certainly isn't.... and honestly I have seen some of those "perfect lives"completely come crashing to the ground)
I pray that this song ministers to your heart and helps you appreciate the loved ones you have in your life.
The following are just some of the reasons I love my husband so much and some of the minefields we have danced through in the for better and for worse of the last 17+ years...
2 1/2 months after we started dating Greg was diagnosed with cancer... His faith was SO SO strong... I remember his parents telling me that when he went into surgery, he wrote on a paper notebook, "I CAN NOT LOSE!" He was too choked up to say it, but he knew if he didn't make it through surgery he would wake up with the Lord, and if he did make it, well then he would have more days to live out here on earth... He has an unshakable faith, even in life's harshest times... still does
He is so humble and a true peacemaker... when he very unfairly lost a job... I was ready to raise some serious heck... I wanted him to write a letter to the board of directors. I wanted the truth to be told. Not Greg, he didn't want to keep a record of wrongs, he knew the Lord would take care of that in the long run.
He lovingly walked with me through some times struggling with infertility and always encouraged me to hang on... He knew I had dreamt of being a mommy ever since I was a little girl...
He has helped lead our family through 5 different and some very difficult moves.
He has been so supportive, way more so than I ever could have imagined or thought when our son Samuel died. Truly, he never questions the tears that still come. He validates my longings and missing of my boy. As much as my mommy heart grieves so differently than his daddy heart does... he never judges and just wants to let me get it off my chest or to get me whatever I might need at the time to help me. He has gone above the call of duty OVER AND OVER AGAIN on this one, and know he will continue to.
He has walked through miscarriage, and the loss of a perspective adopted child, Joel.
Shoot, he puts up with me... I know there are times that I am not the easiest to live with... I am just being real! I would love to say that life with me is a bowl of cherries, but I know that wouldn't be completely true:)
He was a rock during a very up in the air, ever changing adoption of our sweet Hope Jubilee.
He was willing and on board with adopting our sweet 7 embryos... one of which is safely growing in my womb... Praise God!
I remember when were engaged talking about having 4 kids... who would have thought we would have 6 and another on the way, and Greg has been so along for this ride the Lord has brought us on.
There have been times of incredible joy, fun, laughs and amazement... and many times of incredible sadness and trials. But through it all there isn't anyone else I would want to be dancing through these minefields with... no one but him.
As we see marriages all around us falling apart, and I am not lying... I can think of 5 just off the top of my head...It is so obvious that the devil is roaring around looking for someone, looking for marriages to devour.
I am so very thankful that Greg is in it for the long haul... So thankful that he knows it will be a lot of work to navigate the minefields from the past and the ones in our future and he is willing to do that work. He knows we need the Lord's guidance every step of the way...we can't do it on our own... we really aren't capable of not messing things up on our own... We are 2 imperfect people joined as one:) We are a marriage of 3... Him... God... and me:)
I look so forward to weathering the storms with him... they are sure to continue to come as we walk through this life. I can't wait to grow old and wrinkly with him if that is the Lord's will for us... I pray that it is...
Now I am off to take my honey out on a date (Thank the Lord for kids who are old enough to finally babysit...yay Louis! ) and then I think later after the kids are in bed... we will crank up the music, not too loud of course:) and do some dancing:)
Enjoy the song... don't forget to hit the pause button on my play list on the side!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
THIS IS OUR MEND TULSA CHAPTER DIRECTOR MICHELE (IN THE MIDDLE) AND MARCIE AS THEY READ THE NAMES OF ALL THE BABIES WE WERE REMEMBERING YESTERDAY.
OUR WALK TO THE CEREMONY
SOME REMEMBRANCE ITEMS THAT SOMEONE BROUGHT IN TO SHARE...
Tulsa's first Walk to Remember ceremony was beautiful. God blessed us with beautiful weather. The boys and I worked really hard helping to set up the night before and the morning of... but when it came time for the ceremony I could totally feel my focus change, and I felt just like a participant... my focus was on my babies, the ones already with Jesus...
The whole ceremony was so touching and emotional for me. I am not sure anyone can fully understand how I describe what it meant to me, unless you maybe have experienced the loss of a child yourself... but I will try to explain.
To see all of my MEND friends and to know the stories of their babies lives in detail, and to be able to remember their babies with them touched my heart deeply. To know the great support I have felt from them, the full acceptance of my grief, their encouragement over the past 2 years that I would make it through the sorrow and despair I have felt at times made the ceremony take on a whole new meaning for me. To be able to spend this time focusing on my sweet Samuel and the other baby the Lord blessed us with for such a short time early in 2010 is something I needed to do.
I have to quickly explain about baby Joel... because Joel was a baby that we were going to adopt but that was stillborn at 28 weeks, I didn't know if we should mention him in our losses. I am torn... If that precious boy would have been ours we would have mentioned him. With adoption you never know if the birthmom will change her mind or some other family member would come forward... there are a lot of what ifs... And for some reason I didn't feel a right to claim him so to speak... Does that make sense?
This is where the confusion comes in for me. We absolutely love Joel's birthmom and her family. But I really doubt that they do anything to remember his life. I only say that because I think for them, they really wanted to move forward with this young girls life, and not really focus or remember the situation. When Joel was born, they wanted us to go to the funeral home, make all the arrangements for the service and burial, and gave us all the remembrance items from the hospital.
I really feel like every single life that God creates, whether for 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years deserves to have its place in a family. They deserve for their life to have value to someone and to be honored and remembered. So we may have to include Joel next year for our family. I will have to talk to Greg about it.
Back to the ceremony... there was something about being pregnant that made the ceremony a blessing too... this baby will be Samuel's little brother. This baby will in no way EVER be a replacement for Samuel. But he will hear all about his precious big brother whose very short life blessed us so greatly.
There were many tears shed, by me of course, and by some of the kids. It felt good:) It felt good to share the hope that we have for eternity in heaven with our Savior and our babies. It felt good to publicly remember our Hintz babies.
I remember that I prayed for months, probably for well over a year that the Lord would allow me to some day be able to look back on Samuel's life with joy in my heart. I can honestly say that now I can... not always, but some days I truly can say I do feel joy when I think of him... I can see how God is using Samuel's story to encourage others... the pain is still there, brutally painful at times still, but I know my heart is being healed and put back together by a very gracious God, who has held me through it all!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Caleb and Jojo made the hot cocoa mix:) Jojo looks 1/2 asleep and I never thought to have Caleb put a shirt on before he started... is that gross??:)
So it looks like we will bet set for a while... although I am sure with all 5 of these sweet little tummies, we will be making another batch before winter is over:)
My honey has been gone for the last couple of days... so I have been sharing my bed with the kiddos the last 2 nights... Can't wait to have my hubby back tomorrow:)
Here are the recipes for the Hot Cocoa and the Friendship Tea
1 box 8 qt. dried milk powder
1 lb. of Nestle Quik chocolate drink mix
2 cups of powdered sugar
We usually put a couple of heaping tsps. in about 8 oz. of hot water.
1 container of Tang orange drink mix
equal amount of sweetened iced tea mix
1 pkg Koolaid lemonade drink mix
1 tsp. cloves
1 tsp. cinnamon
We usually put 1 1/2 tsp. in about 8 oz. hot water.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
YEP, A SWEET LITTLE BOY:)
WE COULDN'T BE MORE THRILLED! ANNA WAS REALLY HOPING FOR A SISTER, BUT BY THE TIME WE MADE IT HOME IT ONLY TOOK ABOUT 30 SECONDS FOR HER TO RUN TO THE NEIGHBORS TO TELL THEM THAT SHE IS GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY BROTHER... WE ARE ALL SO HAPPY!
WHEN WE GOT TO THE ULTRASOUND PLACE, I ASKED LESLIE TO JUST GET THE SPOT IN VIEW AND LET ME SEE IF I COULD GUESS IT. WELL ONCE SHE GOT IT THERE... WE ALL SORT OF STARTED GIGGLING... IT WAS SOOOO OBVIOUS!
LATER IN THE DAY, WE WENT OVER TO THAT SAME NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE TO LOOK AT A LOFT THEY ARE PUTTING IN A BEDROOM, AND THE MOTHER HAD ALREADY RUN OUT AND GOTTEN THE CARD ABOVE... THAT WAS SO SWEET. OUR VERY FIRST CARD FOR THIS LITTLE GUY!
THE ULTRASOUND TECH TOOK A GOOD LOOK AT WHAT SHE COULD SEE IN THAT 15WEEK OLD BOY. THERE WERE A COUPLE OF THINGS THAT THEY TOLD US WE MIGHT HAVE A SLIGHTLY HIGHER RISK OF BECAUSE OF THE 2 ABNORMALITIES IN MY BLOOD WORK THAT I MENTIONED A COUPLE OF WEEKS BACK... BUT PRAISE GOD EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD AT THIS POINT. I HAVE MY FULL ANATOMY SCAN IN 2 1/2 WEEKS. WE WILL GET AN EVEN BETTER LOOK THEN:)
THIS LITTLE GUY IS IN THE LORD'S HANDS!!!:) THE VERY BEST PLACE FOR HIM TO BE:)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
The funny this is... last Thursday when we went to my regular appt. with my OB, he did another ultrasound. I was so enamored with the beautiful profile of this little one and the perfectly beating heart that I didn't even think to look for the gender. After visiting with the Dr. for a bit, he left and Greg looked to me and said, "I think that I know what it is..." I laughed, "Are you kidding me?" The doctor happened to walk back in and asked what we were laughing about. We told him and he said that if he had to make a guess he would say he thought that Greg was right. What is funny is, that Greg can normally barely make out the face on an ultrasound.
In our previous pregnancies, we never found out the sex of the little one that we were carrying. For me there was something so fun about the surprise of it all. When I had Anna and Jojo, I didn't have any medications or epidurals so I really wanted the surprise at the end to look forward to. It was so fun to not have the Doctor announce the sex when they were born, but to hear Greg tell me who it was by naming them whatever we had chosen for a boy or a girl.
This may sound strange... but since Samuel was stillborn, I have totally changed my view on all of this. After we had him, and only had the 5 hours with him, before we handed his sweet little body back to the nurses and left the hospital, I have wished I had known it was him in there for the 9 mos. that I carried him. I know that I bonded with him... but I had just wish I had known it was him...had been able to call him by name even. Since the 9 mos. was all we had with him, I wish I had known everything that was possible to know about him during that time.
And quite honestly as far as the surprise goes... after you have given birth to a baby that isn't alive anymore... just having a living baby that is pink and screaming, will by far take the cake over the surprise of the gender of that little one.
So this Saturday, we will all head to the ultrasound office to meet with our friend Leslie and see if we can figure out who this little pumpkin is. We have never cared one bit if we were had a boy or girl, and it is the same this time... although Anna is pulling for another girl:) We are just praying for a healthy little one. Hopefully, we will get that sneak peek, and then I have my full anatomy ultrasound in a few weeks.
I have my guess... but do any of you have any guesses? We have had 4 boys and 1 girl biologically... as well as precious Hope through adoption... don't forget this little one is adopted as well... It won't be long and we will hopefully know:)
Monday, October 4, 2010
Sweet Will Franklin:) Caleb loved watching him drum... wow, was he good!
Caleb Chapman... Louis totally enjoyed watching him. I think we are going to have to get started again with the guitar lessons after tonight:)